


Oh, There You Are

by LittleLynn



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fake Love to Real Love, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I will add tags as I go, M/M, and the moderate angst that tends to go along with it, because it's me wiriting it so they're bound to bang at some point, oblivious idiots, we're still set in middle earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-02 06:16:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4049329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLynn/pseuds/LittleLynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Thranduil tells a teeny lie to Dain, Bard ends up rolling his eyes (as per) and agreeing to help his friend (as per), how hard could it be to pretend to be romantically involved with the Elvenking? Bard was pretty sure that it would actually be rather amusing. </p><p>What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yaaay! Another wip! Fake Relationship Au! Huzzah!
> 
> I may well change the title, I suck at titles, especially when I'm only one chapter in :')

 

Bard sat at his desk in the study of his house in Dale (‘for Valar sake Thranduil I do not need a palace I’m a ruddy bargeman’) where he was carrying out important kingly things and looking throughout lots of important kingly archives.

Okay he was having a nap.

But in his defence the disintegrating scrolls documenting the old fortifications of the city of Dale were unbelievably boring. Girion might be his ancestor, but he was also one boring bastard. Also, Bard had had a _very_ trying few days.

There were currently negotiations going on in Erebor, negotiations that were amazingly absolutely none of Bard business, there was not a single thingbeing discussed that involved Dale in the slightest.

So naturally that was where Bard had spent the past _week_ because Thranduil and Dain suddenly turned into a pair of children fighting over toys they didn’t even want and bickering endlessly about everything whenever they were in the same room.

So Bard was required to ‘mediate’. Bard had told them both that they were pathetic.

But one week of to petulant little privileged kings bickering and calling each other names was apparently his limit and he had told them that he was leaving and they could either start behaving like adults or bicker to the end of time, Bard really didn’t care.

But the Elvenking was his friend and he was pouting at Bard so Bard had quietly promised to make it up to him at some point but he was a fragile mortal and needed to go home and get some shut eye and some work done. Thranduil had continued to pout because he was a massive drama queen but had let Bard go without a fight.

He would go back in a few days and make sure they hadn’t actually murdered each other or declared war or something equally melodramatic and designed to send Bard to an early grave from stress.

But for now he was taking a nap, legs crossed over one another up on the desk, leaning back in his chair just about to drift off…when there was a loud bang as the doors to his study slammed open and Bard promptly fell off his chair with a yelp.

“Thranduil what the fuck.” Bard groaned, his back and elbow had taken the brunt of his fall and were complaining.

“Bard you have to help me.” Thranduil cried dramatically, and Bard would bitch about him not even apologising for bursting in and making him fall but Thranduil had swooped over to him and was helping him up, which was as close as an apology as Thranduil was likely to get and Bard didn’t miss the protective way he checked him over, fragile mortal and all that.

“Why do I have to help you?” Bard sighed, wondering what trouble the Elvenking had managed to get into which meant for some reason Bard was the only person who could help him.     

“Because you’re my only friend.”

“Should I feel honoured or resigned about that?”

“Honoured. Obviously.” Thranduil replied, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice, Bard rolled his eyes fondly.

“What did you do then?”

“First it’s important that you remember that you said you would make leaving the negotiations up to me and this probably wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t left anyway.”

“By the Valar you didn’t actually start a war did you!” Bard cried, burying his face in his hands.

“What? No, of course not. Really do you think me completely incompetent?” Thranduil huffed and Bard shot him a look that said ‘that is exactly what I think after witnessing those negotiations’, Thranduil ignore him.

“So, come on, out with it, what did you do?” Bard asked again, And Thranduil was chewing on his lip which was incredibly out of character, but then, he didn’t seem to worry being the icy Elvenking around Bard anymore, alone with Bard he was just Thran, they were friends after all.   

“I may have told Dain that you and I were…together.” Thranduil said slowly, Bard just shot him a confused look so Thranduil elaborated further. “…romantically.”

“Why on arda did you tell him that?” Bard inquired, a little exacerbated but also far too fond of his friend to actually be angry. In the grand scheme of things it seemed pretty harmless, right?

“Because he was teasing us, calling you my minder and well, some other far less savoury things but honestly none of that particularly bothered me. But then they moved on to saying how you were far too good for me and of course we weren’t anything and saying that clearly no one would willingly spend their time with me, and they may have brought up Legolas leaving and before I knew it I was lying and saying that actually, you and I were in fact together, which shut them up pretty fast. But then Dain started inviting the ‘happy couple’ to things and now we have to go.” Thranduil explained, fixing Bard with his blue eyes which actually looked a little desperate and vulnerable, Bard didn’t like it, he wanted that infuriating smirk back.

Bard attempted to process everything that Thranduil had just said, it seemed to pretty much boil down to Dain had been being a bastard but Thranduil hadn’t really cared until he had brought up Legolas – an incredibly sensitive spot for Thranduil at the moment – so Thranduil had felt the need to retaliate.

And Bard had somehow gotten caught in the crossfire despite not actually being in the room.

“What are you asking exactly?” Bard said, looking for a bit of clarity.

“I need you to pretend that we’re together.” Thranduil replied quickly, wringing his hands together, another tick that only ever showed itself around the safety of Bard.

Sometimes he wondered if Thranduil had actually realised how many of his walls had come down around Bard and the safety of his friendship.

“Okay.”

“I am not above bribing you I can get some gold– ” Thranduil trailed off as he processed what Bard had said. “Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I will pretend we’re together for however long because you can’t keep that pretty mouth of your shut.” He grinned and Thranduil glared a little at his poking fun, but honestly it was a very pretty mouth, even if he wasn’t exactly sure where the thought had come from.

“…why?”

“Because I’m your friend?” Bard replied like it was obvious, which it was, but Thranduil just looked surprised, it made Bard’s heart break a little, reminding him of just how shut off he had been before Bard had wormed his way in.

How the hell he had managed to worm his way in was another mystery, yet here he was, and he was glad, they both were.

“But, what’s in it for you?” Thranduil asked, apparently perplexed at the idea of Bard agreeing to this without some kind of bribe.

“I’m your friend you need my help – which would be enough on its own by the way – but also it could actually be pretty funny, I do actually enjoy getting one over on the dwarves, I will end up having teasing fodder over you for decades and it should get the lovely but persistent women of Dale to lay off.” Bard reeled off, but he would have done it without any of those incentives.

“Excellent. In that case I should let you know that we’re going to Erebor tomorrow for a banquet to celebrate the successful negotiation.”

“Successful?” Bard repeated sarcastically with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes. I’m pretty sure Dain only invited us because he thought I was lying.” Thranduil told him, tone making it sound like he was mortally offended that anyone would dare call him a liar.

“You _were_ lying.” Bard pointed out with a grin, Thranduil scowled a little, despite all his haughtiness Bard still found it cute.

“Irrelevant. All that matters is that Dain doesn’t find out.” Thranduil replied, flicking his hand a little, Bard just looked at him with an amused expression from his chair.

“So what do we do? Turn up to the banquet tomorrow, hold hands and say mushy things to each other then go home?” Bard asked as Thranduil perched on the desk next to him.

“Well yes to start with.”

“Start with?”

“Well it’s going to take much more than that to convince Dain.”

“How much more?”

“I was thinking we could spend more time staying with each other. We’re going to need to convince all the dwarves. In fact it may be best to just try and fool everyone, that way the truth can’t get back to that odious dwarf.” Thranduil mused aloud, taping his elegant fingers against his chin thoughtfully.

“Makes sense. Although I do have one stipulation.” Bard stated, and it was something he wouldn’t compromise on.

“Oh?” Thranduil asked, turning those piercing blue eyes on him, but there was only curiosity and fondness in them.

“I’m not lying to my children. They’ll keep it a secret but I’m not about to try and fool them as well.” Bard answered, for one thing his kids would see through it immediately, for another they just really didn’t deserve the lie. He made a point of never lying to his children, not about the important things.

“Of course, of course. I would not expect you to.” Thranduil replied with a smile, Bard knew he was already fairly fond of his children, seeing them often when he came visiting, Tilda tended to barely leave him alone, but surprisingly the Elvenking had never seemed to mind. Then again, the more that he got to know him the less surprising he found it.

“Although, I do warn you that Tilda will probably seize the opportunity to spend even more time with you.” Bard grinned, knowing she was a clever little thing and would see her window and take it, Thranduil smiled at the prospect, of course he did. Sometimes Bard wondered if anyone else knew just how quickly Tilda had managed to completely melt the ice king.

“Frankly Bard, you are lucky I haven’t kidnapped her already.” Thranduil grinned right back at him, it was an expression that made it very difficult for Bard to remember that the vast majority of Middle Earth saw him as a cold and harsh Elvenking.

Well, they’d clearly never seen him spinning Bard’s ten year old around, or giving one of his genuine smiles, or teaching Sigrid Sindarin and encouraging her at every turn, or when he was tipsy and tripping over his own robes, or helping Bain with his swordsmanship or heard him talking about Legolas as a father instead of a king.

Bard was aware he got a very different version of Thranduil than the rest of the world, and he knew it was the real one. He thought it a great shame that Thranduil let everyone believe he was such an asshole, well, don’t get Bard wrong, Thranduil is an asshole and a drama queen and a complete princess; but that is very much only half of the story.

Bard was just glad he got the real Thranduil, those rare and real smiles reserves almost solely for Bard and his family. His life would be far duller without him.

“I don’t think you’d need to kidnap her, she’d happily run away with you.”

“What about you?”

“Sure, I’ll run away with you.” Bard grinned. “Maybe we should elope, really commit to your lie.” He winked making Thranduil laugh that deep and rich laughed that was among Bard’s favourite sounds.

“Well I don’t like half-arsing things.” Thranduil said in mock thoughtfulness, well, there were certainly worse people to be married to.

“All or nothing?”

“Absolutely.” Thranduil smirked giving him a lecherous look that made Bard snort out a laugh. His friend was ridiculous.

“So what’s our story then? We don’t want to come up with two different stories if Dain asks, we’ll be caught before we’ve even started.” Bard said, leaning back in his chair.

“I had thought we might tell people that we became close after the battle and the relationship just blossomed into something we weren’t expecting it to but didn’t feel the need to stop. And perhaps that we hadn’t wanted to tell people until we were more sure of ourselves.” Thranduil suggested and Bard could see the logic he was working from, there was enough truth in it for it to be convincing.  

“Perfectly plausible.” Bard agreed, for a moment he wondered what it would be like if it had actually gone that way between them, he reckoned he would be happy, not that he wasn’t now, just a thought, albeit an odd one. Bard blamed the conversation content.  

“Yes I thought so, you’re the only person I spend any time with in a personal capacity and you are a very private man so it’s believable.” Thranduil reasoned and Bard agreed nodding, there really was no reason for someone not to believe it.

“Spend your life being spied on and you come to covet privacy.” Bard joked, even if it wasn’t actually that funny at all, but at this point when looking at his past it was best to laugh because the alternative was to wallow and Bard had far too much to do to have time for wallowing in the past. Besides, he’d experienced quite the reversal of fortunes, even if it didn’t feel like it when nightmares about fire still forced him awake in a cold sweat.

“I can imagine. Nosey subjects have a similar effect.”

“I bet they have learnt not to nose.”

“Indeed they have.” Thranduil replied with a dangerous smirk, Bard slapped his leg lightly. “I must say I am surprised you agreed so easily.”

“I already told you Thran, you’re my friend, your lies are my lies.” Bard grinned, he was actually thinking that this lie could be pretty amusing to follow through.

“No I mean I thought there was some taboo against same sex relationships among the race of men, although why I cannot fathom.” Thranduil pointed out and honestly Bard hadn’t even thought about it.

“Yeah there is, but I never shared them.  Probably because my head has been turned by men just as often as women.” He replied easily.

“But you’re not worried about what your people might say?” Thranduil pushed and Bard got it, he didn’t want to put Bard into an awkward position.

“Not particularly. As you keep telling me; I’m the king, I can do what I want, including faking a relationship with the Elvenking.” Bard told him, and to be frank everyone was too scared to cross Thranduil anyway so no one would be kicking up a fuss. “Although to be honest I think most people – men included – will be more jealous than anything else.”

“Why?” Thranduil asked, as if he didn’t know, vain bastard that he was.

“Stop fishing for compliments. You know well why.” Bard grumbled in return, but he didn’t really mind.

“No, not a clue.” Thranduil shamelessly fished anyway, all but batting his eyelashes.

“Because you are disgustingly beautiful even if you are terribly aware of it.” Bard laughed, swatting Thranduil’s leg again.

“Aw, my boyfriend thinks I’m pretty.” Thranduil teased, Bard rolled his eyes, but there was a smile firmly in place on his face. “

“So was that everything? I have important work to get back to.” Bard asked, they both knew full well that he was referring to the nap he had been trying to take.

“You mean sleeping.” Thranduil clarified with an amused look.

“It is very important that the king is well rested. How else can I be expected to make difficult decisions?” Bard grinned, even though he was genuinely very tired.

“Well you’ll just have to make some bad ones because I am hungry.” Thranduil stated, standing up from his perch on the desk and looking expectant.

“…and?” Bard asked slowly even though he knew well what.

“And we have a vast number of people to convince that we are romantically involved. They are never going to believe it if you don’t even eat with me.” Thranduil answered, attempting to use logic against him.

“You just like to have someone to whine about the food to.” Bard laughed, Thranduil pointed at him until he relented, he really was very good at getting his own way, even with Bard, it was just too hard for Bard to say no to him, he dreaded the day Thranduil and his kids ganged up on him, because it was bound to happen at some point.

“Fine. But if I fall asleep face first into my plate it’s your fault.” Bard griped even though he didn’t really mind, Thranduil smiled at him. “Come on then honeybun.” Bard continued, voice sickly sweet and completely sarcastic, Thranduil’s face scrunched up in disgust.

“I can assure you that even if we were together romantically you would never get away with that name.”

“I know, but given that we’re not actually together and you need my help on this, I have a feeling you _are_ going to let me get away with it.”

“Well played.” Thranduil replied begrudgingly. “But two can play at that game sweetums.” He smirked.

This was going to be hilarious.

“Whatever you say muffin.” Bard grinned and if they continued like this they were just going to end up giggling like ten year olds.

“Come on, I am actually famished.” Thranduil said and Bard knew he was just being dramatic but he followed anyway, and when he skipped in front to open the door for Thranduil, Thranduil rolled his eyes.

“Thank you my darling.” He teased.

“No problem kitten.” Bard winked, that time Thranduil did snort, that nickname was clearly a keeper.

When Thranduil caught his hand when they started walking Bard startled a little, but only for a moment.

It didn’t take very long at all for Bard to get used to it, in fact, Thranduil warm, smooth hand felt surprisingly nice in his own.

Bard could get used to it.

 

  


	2. Chapter 2

 

Bard had explained to his children what was going on that evening in their little sitting room, in general Tilda had been confused, Bain had been amused, and Sigrid had looked thoughtful, but they all promised not to tell anyone and Bard trusted them.

Then as predicted Tilda was asking Thranduil very politely if he would braid her hair again because the ones he did before he left for the negotiations had come out. Thranduil of course agreed, and that was them occupied for the rest of the evening.

Bard was pottering around in the kitchen, unable to help his smile as he watching the pair of them, Thranduil trying little bows into Tilda’s hair and agreeing to put one into his own hair as well, when he noticed Sigrid looking at him from the other side of the kitchen.

“You alright darlin’?” He asked, putting away some of the pans (not that there was any rhyme or reason to where he was putting them).

“Be careful da.” Sigrid said and Bard felt that was a little ominous and didn’t really know what she was talking about, he was about to ask but Sigrid just pressed a kiss to his cheek and told him goodnight, going upstairs, probably to read until she was tired.

Tilda always managed to stay up late when Thranduil was here. If they were together then Thranduil would definitely be the fun parent.

“Come on munchkin, you should be in bed already and you know it.” Bard said as he came into the sitting room.

“Oh but daaaaa.” Tilda protested at the exact same time that Thranduil whined “But Baaaaard.” And then they both pouted at him.

Bard rolled his eyes so hard he was surprised they didn’t fall out his skull.

“No, come on. Tilda, bed.” Bard repeated, doing his best strict father voice (which was shit because he had never been good at it).

“But I’m not going to see you tomorrow so I don’t want to go to bed yet.” Tilda tried and really that was a dirty tactic, making Bard feel bad.

“True, but Hilda is going to look after you and she was saying something about taking you down to the lake and you don’t want to be too tired for that…” Bard trailed off, knowing his tactic had worked from the conflicted little look on Tilda’s face.

“Fine. I’m sorry Thranduil.” Tilda apologised.

“It’s okay little one. I tell you what, how about I tell you a bedtime story?” Thranduil suggested with a smile.

“Really! Yes please!” Tilda shouted happily, grabbing Thranduil’s hand and dragging him upstairs with her, Bard couldn’t help but follow, Thranduil’s stories were the best (and usually true).

Thranduil told a story about a man called Tom Bombadil when he went boating, for the life of him Bard couldn’t tell if it was about a real person or not, but Thranduil’s voice was so beautiful and melodic that it really didn’t matter. Just listening to the rhythm of his voice had Tilda dropping off as the story tapered down and Bard closing his eyes without meaning to where he was leaning against the doorframe.  

“I swear you are always sleeping.” Thranduil murmured quietly, nudging Bard out the doorway and gently closing it behind them.

“Your fault. You’re exhausting.” Bard sighed, rousing himself a little as Thranduil practically corralled him down the hall.

“I don’t know what you mean, I’m a pleasure to be around.” Thranduil grinned.

“Well, I’m never bored.” Bard grinned right back and Thranduil laughed, he really did love that sound. “When do we have to be in Erebor tomorrow?”

“You know how long dwarvish feasts are, so probably no later than midday.” Thranduil reasoned.

“No actually I don’t, how long are dwarvish feasts?” Bard asked with a raised eyebrow, leaning against the wall between their bedrooms.

“Well, expect the banquet to last from early afternoon into the evening.” Thranduil explained.

“How the hell can someone eat for that long?!” Bard exclaimed in a whisper so as not to wake his children.

“You have met dwarves yes?” Thranduil returned and Bard supposed he had a point. “But don’t worry, we won’t be expected to be constantly eating like the dwarves will. There will also be some tasteless entertainment I’m sure.” Thranduil explained and Bard was simultaneously relived and grimacing internally.

“It is going to be a long day.” Bard sighed, he had best get to bed in that case. “Right, clearly I need some beauty sleep if I’m supposed to convince anyone we’re together.”

“Nonsense.” Thranduil told him surprisingly gently and they seemed to get caught in each other’s smiles for a moment. Bard couldn’t be blamed, Thranduil was especially beautiful when he let himself smile properly (not that Bard didn’t love that ridiculous smirk of his as well, there was just something…special about being able to get those genuine smiles from him as well).

“Well, goodnight kitten.” Bard winked, breaking the odd reverie they had suddenly got caught in, Thranduil glared and Bard laughed which seemed to make Thranduil smile.

“Goodnight my darling Dragonslayer.” Thranduil bid him, voice sugary sweet and with one last smirk he disappeared into the guest bedroom. 

Bard fell asleep with a smile on his face and dreamt of silver-blonde hair and a playful smirk.

 

Naturally Thranduil didn’t bother to knock before clattering into Bard’s room at the asscrack of damn the next day, jolting Bard violently out of his sleep and making him groan and bury his head under his pillow.

“Bard, Bard! Get up, we need to get ready.” Thranduil demanded shaking his leg through his bed covers.

“Thran it takes like all of five minutes to ride to Erebor from here so why the hell are you waking me up.” Bard grumbled, stuffing his face even further into his bedding.

“We need to figure out what you’re going to wear.” Thranduil stated, and Bard could hear his wardrobe being opened and felt Thranduil settling down on the end of the bed while he looked.

“Thran. I’m going to wear that nice deep blue thing you got me and my trousers that don’t have holes in. Now get out before I decide to wear my old bargeman clothes instead.” Bard grumbled, giving Thranduil a shove with his foot.

And Thranduil actually got off the bed and for a foolish moment Bard actually though he was going to let him sleep for a few more hours, until it became clear that actually he was just moving around the bed to nag him some more.

“Bard, honestly you need to get up.” Thranduil told him again.

“Sod off.” Bard replied maturely, rolling over some more to further encase himself in his bed.

“Bard, come on.” Thranduil tried again a little more petulantly, only now he was also shaking Bard’s shoulder in an attempt to get him to move.

Bard grunted and batted his hand away.

“Baaaard.” Thranduil whined, and honestly you would never guess he was some ageless being of grace and beauty.

Thranduil started shaking him more insistently and Bard knew he wasn’t going to stop so instead of batting him away Bard grabbed his wrist and tugged him down on the bed, managing to catch him off guard enough that he toppled right down on top of Bard. He shifted him quickly before he could get his bearing and trapped him against his chest, Bard’s arm firm around him.

“Bard what– ” Thranduil started, sounding a little disorientated.

“Shhh.” Bard cut him off.

“Honestly this is– ”

“Thran, you can either shut up and take a nap or promise to leave and I will let you go. Either way I assure you I am going back to sleep.” Bard told him, voice firm and trying not to get distracted by how nice his hair smelt.

“Fine.” Thranduil relented, and Bard could tell he was pouting, the thought made him smirk to himself.

He was ready to let Thranduil go, assuming he’d rather leave and come back later, but to his surprised the mighty Elvenking settled down beside him instead, pulling the covers up around himself and relaxing against Bard’s chest.

It was a nice feeling.

Three hours of blissfully uninterrupted sleep later and their roles where completely reversed.

“No. I don’t want to get up. I’m comfy.” Thranduil protested, clinging to Bard and attempting to keep him down.

“Now we are actually going to be late if you don’t let go of me.” Bard couldn’t help but laugh and as pried Thranduil’s hands off his arms.

“So. It’s only a bunch of dwarves.” Thranduil complained as Bard managed to get out of the bed despite his attempts to keep him.

“No, come on. This is your mess anyway.” Bard pointed out, the only reason they were having to go was because of Thranduil’s fib anyway, still Thranduil showed no signs of moving, Bard smirked when he realised he knew exactly what he needed to say to get him out of bed. “Your hair is a complete mess by the way.” He commented casually.

“What!” Thranduil shouted in alarm, springing out of the bed and dashing over to the looking glass, glaring at Bard when he realised that it was in fact as perfect as it always was. “Liar.”

“Look who’s talking.” Bard laughed. “Since you’re up, you might as well go get ready.” Bard grinned and Thranduil continued to glare before turning and gliding out the room.

Bard was wholly unsurprised when he found Thranduil an hour later and he had packed three whole bags and was waiting impatiently for Bard by the horses (well, horse and elk).

“What on earth do you need all those for?” Bard laughed as he approached.

“Just changes of clothes and so forth.” Thranduil explained vaguely.

“Why on earth would you need a change of clothes?” Bard asked, noting the elves whose job it must be to carry the bags over to Erebor for them, Bard thanked them and started strapping the bags to Thranduil’s very large and very strong elk instead.

“Because we’ll be expected to change after the banquet and we’ll have to stay a little while before we can leave without causing offense.” Thranduil explained, thinly veiled disdain for the dwarves lacing through his tone. 

“Oh, why?”

“Strange dwarvish customs.” Thranduil waved off dismissively. “Probably to mask the fact that they dropped have the food on the table down their shirts.”

“Well, I guess in that case I should probably go grab a change.” Bard went to turn but Thranduil gently caught his arm.

“I packed you some clothes as well.” Thranduil told him and Bard had no idea when he had got them from his room but he was grateful all the same.

Bard smiled and helped Thranduil onto his elk, even though he clearly needed no help, but he took Bard’s hand anyway, using it for support. Bard mounted his own horse and they started the easy ride over to Erebor, taking it at a gentle trot.

When they arrived Balin was waiting to greet them and when Bard helped Thranduil dismount Thranduil didn’t let his hand drop, linking their fingers together, Balin eyeing them a little surprised, he clearly hadn’t believed it either.

“Glad you could both make it.” Balin smiled, a few dwarves already taking Thranduil’s bags down from the elk. “We’ve set you aside a guest room for you to freshen up in.”

“Thank you.” Bard smiled because Thranduil was unlikely to say such a thing to a dwarf.

Balin nodded and indicated for them to follow the dwarves carrying their bags to locate their room. Bard didn’t even realise he had been absentmindedly stroking his thumb over the back of Thranduil’s hand.

“Can you find your way back to the great hall my lords?” One of the dwarves asked them as they set down their bags.

“Yes I think so.” Bard smiled and the dwarf scurried away, which was explained by Thranduil’s stony look. “You really needn’t do that.” Bard commented, even if he did secretly find it pretty amusing.

“It’s expected of me.” Thranduil shrugged, letting Bard’s hand drop now that they were alone and disappearing into the wash room, probably to check his hair. “Right, shall we?” Thranduil asked when he reappeared, easily tangling his finger with Bard’s again.

“Best not keep our gracious hosts waiting.” Bard agreed only a little sarcastically (Dain was a lot of things and a gracious host was never going to be one of them).

They wandered along the great stone hallways (wandered because while Thranduil might not care for anything dwarven, Bard couldn’t help but he in awe of their masonry skills), eventually Thranduil got bored and started tugging Bard along to the great hall, Bard humoured him and let himself be pulled.

When they reached the great hall many heads turned towards them, Dain’s looking highly suspicious as he made his way over to them, eyeing their linked hands.

“Nice of you to finally join us. You were only meant to dump your bags and come back.” Dain commented not _rudely_ per say, but not particularly politely either, Bard was just about to be completely honesty and say he was admiring the architecture (surely that could only go down well) when Thranduil spoke.

“Sorry, we got a little distracted.” Thranduil told Dain, voice thick with insinuation and successfully making Bard blush even though it wasn’t true (and incidentally his blush was probably what convinced everyone in the room).

Dain looked a little disgusted and gave Bard a considering look, like he couldn’t quite believe anyone would willing get personal with Thranduil. Bard was fairly sure it was the exact look Thranduil would have given the dwarves had their positions been reversed.

“Well. Now that yer here we can start the feast.” Dain announced, more to the room than them, a cheer going up among the dwarves as they made their way to the huge table, laden with all manner of food (although none of it looked particularly elvish).

Bard and Thranduil were seated together (unsurprisingly) and thankfully there was the far easier buffer of Balin between them and Dain, so hopefully this wouldn’t be too painful an experience. 

Dain started the feast with some bullshit speech about how well the negotiations had gone (when Bard being sat there was proof of just how badly they had gone, but he supposed Dain didn’t know that).  The food was delicious, and he knew Thranduil thought so too, even though he would never admit it. Bard took the example of Thranduil and ate very slowly where the dwarves were holding nothing back. They did not have the appetite of dwarves after all.

It had been about ten minutes before Dain started his questioning.

“So. How did this pointy eared git managed to convince you to be with him?” Dain asked and it was rude but frankly Bard would have been surprised if it wasn’t. Still, he could feel Thranduil’s annoyance next to him and set his hand on Thranduil’s thigh to try and calm him down.

“It wasn’t a case of convincing. It just happened.” Bard answered smoothly, giving Thranduil’s leg a squeeze.

“Oh?” Balin pushed, and Bard couldn’t tell if it was suspicion or genuine curiosity that drove his curiosity, he and Bard had always had a fairly good rapport after all. 

“Well, obviously it was Thranduil who came to our aid after Smaug destroyed Laketown.” Bard started, trying and failing to keep the accusation out of his voice, they had lost a lot of people in that attack, this time it was Thranduil’s hand reassuring him, finding his hand and linking their fingers.

“We became close allies, that grew into friendship and then something more. Neither of us wanted to stop it, so we didn’t.” Bard explained, and Balin actually looked half convinced, which wasn’t surprising when he saw the way Thranduil was looking at him. A good actor on top of everything else it seemed.

“Lots of long evenings over wine.” Thranduil smiled, and it felt like it was just for Bard. And that wasn’t even a lie, they did spend countless long evenings tipsy and giggling. He loved those evenings.

“I see.” Dain grunted, and apparently that was the end of the questioning, at least for now, but there were still a great number of dwarves looking at them suspiciously, like they were trying to catch them out.

Bard went to pour himself some wine only to find that Thranduil had already done so and was passing him a goblet. It was such a familiar gesture at this point that Bard didn’t even think of it as part of the act, even when their fingers dragged together as he took it wasn’t odd, although now in such a public place it felt wildly intimate.

Maybe it was because of how he knew the dwarves felt about Thranduil. He wished they knew how wrong they were, how warm and kind and funny he could be.

Bard smiled at him softly as Thranduil reached over the table and found Bard one of the pies he was particularly fond of without prompting, before nicking the few green things off of Bard’s plate with a cheeky smile. Bard rolled his eyes and swatted his arm before scouring him up a few more bits of greenery, he was only being fair, Thranduil was a fussy eater as it was.

When Bard looked up and caught Balin’s eye he looked almost soft. Bard didn’t really know why, he would behave that way with Thranduil at meal times anyway.

The banquet carried on, the dwarves packing away more food than Bard thought possible and Bard and Thranduil keeping themselves entertained as the hours stretched on.

“Go on try it.” Bard teased, voice playful as he brandished a piece of food in front of Thranduil (Bard had no idea what it was called, but he was fairly sure it was some kind of root, either way it had been delicious).

“No way.” Thranduil stated, glaring a little at Bard, but there was no heat behind it.

“You might like it.” Bard tried, laughing as Thranduil grimaced.

“That is highly unlikely.” Thranduil replied and Bard almost relented, but he was far too amused to stop, and he knew that the only reason he wasn’t trying it was because he was too set in his ways.

“I promise you it is very tasty.” Bard grinned, popping it in his mouth as if to prove a point and picking up another one to offer Thranduil again.

“I fear our tastbuds are quite different.” Thranduil continued to protest, laughing when Bard pouted at him (he was right though, Bard should definitely leave the pouting to him).

“Go on, try it for me darling.” Bard smirked and he could tell Thranduil almost laughed, but then he must have seen something because the next thing Bard knew Thranduil had caught his wrist gently in his hand and was eating straight out of his fingers, licking them in a way that was wholly unnecessary and practically obscene.

“Delicious.” Thranduil winked and Bard’s cheeks were most definitely flaming which had definitely been his intention.

Bard looked around the room and saw an awful lot of moderately disgusted dwarves, mission successful then.

Bard went back to his food, and tried to ignore the way his dick had definitely taken an interest. It wasn’t his fault. Thranduil was disgustingly attractive and he bloody well knew it and Bard had been alone for a long time. It was just the situation and biology. That’s all. 

Bard took a swig of wine and turned to find Thranduil looking at him curiously, as if he could read his mind just by looking at him, he almost looked a little worried. Bard smiled at him reassuringly and pressed a kiss to his cheek without even thinking, but it was okay because when he pulled back Thranduil was smiling softly.

They really were good actors, because every dwarf in the room looked convinced now.

Bard took a deeper gulp of his drink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come harass me on [the tumbles](http://thrandythefabulous.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING! It was not intentional but my life went mad for a bit there :')
> 
> Also I am super tired and will read through this in the morning to check it makes sense, but I jst wanted to get it up because I felt so bad for not updating :')
> 
> Forgive me! And sorry for the wait!

 

The afternoon turned into the evening and was slowly wearing on, but they weren’t really noticing. It seems however much distaste the dwarves had for elves they had at least got in some dorwinion because Thranduil was most definitely starting to get tipsy off the wine just as Bard was off the mead he had switched to earlier.

Maybe it was the only wine they could get up here, dwarves seemed far more interested in ales and meads than wine.

Either way, Bard knew Thranduil would deny it until the day he died, but he was pretty sure he was actually having fun, if only because of the increasing levels of inebriation.

Bard would like to say he was retaining some decorum and not getting drunk along with him friend, but as they stumbled and giggled back to their room to change into their post-banquet clothes, Bard knew that wasn’t precisely true.

“How many pieces of meat can I fit into my mouth at once?” Thranduil was proclaiming in a terrible impression of Dain’s accent and mimicking the way he had been eating at the feast.

“Thran, s-stop.” Bard gasped out between peals of laughter. “They’ll hear you and you two will be at war again.” Bard tried to reason between his own snorts of laughter.

“He calls me a fairy right to my face!” Thranduil protested indignantly as if that justified it, and Bard supposed it did kind of, either way Thranduil went straight back to his impression, grinning as he made Bard laugh.

“Yes but he calls you a _pretty_ fairy, and you are a very pretty fairy indeed.” Bard pointed out with another of his grins, Dain had never gotten more imaginative with his insults.

“Aww you think I’m pretty.” Thranduil broke off his impression to bat his eyelids.

“On the contrary, it’s Dain that seems to think so, maybe he has a little crush.” Bard teased and Thranduil looked absolutely revolted, Bard laughed even harder and suddenly the regal Elvenking was chasing him down the stone walkway.

The alcohol had definitely gotten to them both.

Bard was laughing hard enough and tipsy enough that his coordination was leaving a little bit to be desired though, he tripped over his own feet and saw his life flash before his eyes as he tumbled forwards absolutely certain that we was going over and was about to plunge to his untimely death.

But a warm and strong arm was around his waist and pulling them both back until they were collapsed backwards in the middle of the walkway.

“Are you okay?” Thranduil asked, squeezing his arm around Bard a bit tighter, it sent a warm feeling through Bard, maybe it was the alcohol, or the adrenalin of nearly dying. 

“Top notch.” Bard grinned, laughing again when he saw Thranduil’s unamused expression, turning over in his still firm grip, like he was afraid Bard would slip away again. Smiling down at Thranduil he continued. “My King in shining armour saved me after all.”

He had expected Thranduil to laugh, not the very soft look he got instead.

“You should be more careful.” Thranduil said, prodding Bard in the chest. “And king in shining armour? Does that make you the king of shabby clothes?”

“Hey!” Bard protested. “You got me this!”

“Yes and it is very nice.” Thranduil agreed, fingers trailing down the fabric over Bard’s chest and leaving little sparks in their wake.

“So what about king of the nice blue tunic?” Bard suggested, and this really was a ridiculous conversation. Not to mention the way they we lying in the middle of the walkway.

“I don’t know, I think I prefer The Dragonslayer better.” Thranduil decided, eyes glinting and the air between them started to feel a little charged with something, but Bard’s mind was too foggy to really be able to work out what.

“Oh yeah?” Bard replied instead.

“Yeah.” Thranduil breathed, voice a little lower than Bard thought was normal.

They stayed there for a moment or two, Thranduil’s icy blue eyes looking up at Bard’s own eyes, Bard could swear his eyes looked a little darker than usual. Maybe it was the alcohol. But knew they should probably get up even though he wanted to stay. He wasn’t sure why.

Bard very inelegantly got up off the floor with only a little wobble and offered a hand to pull Thranduil up, neither of them dropped hands while they made their way back to their room, in fact somewhere along the way their fingers ended up entwined instead.

When they reached the room Thranduil opened one of his cases and pulled out a new set of his beautiful clothes (and okay to be fair they did take up _a lot_ of space in the case because there were so many layers, maybe Bard could forgive him for over packing).

Thranduil indicted another bag for Bard to find his clothes and when he opened it he did not find any clothes he recognised, but a deep red shirt that probably cost more than anything else Bard owned and a pair of rich and soft trousers.

He turned to thank Thranduil and tease him for being so pernickety over Bard’s clothes, but when he turned he was greeted with the sight of Thranduil undressing, luckily his back was to him so he didn’t see the flush that was spreading through Bard.

Maybe he should stop drinking.

Bard found himself staring at the smooth snowy skin of Thranduil’s back before he realised what he was doing and came to his senses and looked away quickly, mainly to hide his blush.

He definitely needed to stop drinking.

Bard changed and Thranduil smiled that smile that only seemed to be for Bard and the kids when he saw him in his new clothes, although there seemed to be a little bit of heat in it that was never there before. Or had it been? Bard couldn’t remember. Something about it was familiar though.

They headed back out towards the banquet hand in hand and Bard was a little surprised at just how natural it felt to hold Thranduil’s hand.

They were greeted back by the dwarves surprisingly jovially, and drinks were sloshed as they were pushed into their hands and Bard wasn’t going to drink anymore this evening, but as one had been handed to him…

Dain was still looking at the suspiciously and whispering something to Balin next to him, Bard had no idea what they were saying and didn’t particularly care either, happy to let Thranduil tug him around until they found some seats.

But Bard was tipsy and bad at sitting still when he was and there was music playing and dwarves were dancing and he sort of wanted to join in, so he stood up and tried to tug Thranduil with him, where their hands were still linked.

“Bard, what’re you doing?” Thranduil asked cocking an eyebrow and taking another long drink from is wine glass.

“Dancing, and you’re coming with me.” Bard grinned, tugging on Thranduil’s hand and managing to move Thranduil precisely nowhere.

“I am not.” Thranduil snorted, or he would have snorted if Thranduil did things like that, but as he didn’t Bard would have to call it a derisive noise of sorts that reminded him of a snort.

“Oh, don’t be such a grump.” Bard couldn’t help but laugh, the glaze in Thranduil’s usually piercing eyes was still managing to be teasing, good, hopefully an inebriated Thranduil actually would dance with him, he was even more indulgent of Bard when he was drunk, a perk of being his best friend Bard supposed.

Come to think of it, Thranduil had always been pretty indulgent of Bard, even right at the start.

“I am not a grump.” Thranduil protested, pouting at Bard and taking another sip of his wine.

“You are, but I do love you for it.” Bard grinned, wiggling his fingers at Thranduil to try and entice him into getting up again (it failed again, but Bard knew by that twinkle in his eyes that he would get up eventually).

“Oh really? There in the relationship already are we? Well, I love you too.” Thranduil smirked from behind his wine and Bard tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach, he really needed to stop drinking.

(Instead he took another gulp).

Bard downed the rest of his drink and spared a look around the room to once again find Dain in particular and a number of other Dwarves eyeing them suspiciously. That gave him an idea to get Thranduil on his feet.

Bard leant forward to whisper in Thranduil’s ear, voice low, making sure it would look intimate to any onlookers.

“You know, the dwarves are looking suspicious, I bet they’d be a lot less so if you danced with me.” Bard murmured and resisted the sudden urge to nip Thranduil’s ear before pulling back and grinning at Thranduil.

“That’s cheating.” Thranduil claimed, back to pouting.

“Your mess.” Bard pointed out, the least Thranduil could do was keep him entertained.

But at that moment Thranduil must’ve seen someone watching them closely because the next moment he was leaning close into Bard and raking a hand through Bard’s wavy hair.

Bard told himself that the only reason he was suddenly short of breath was because he hadn’t been this physically close to someone in a long time and it was just a natural bodily reaction and had nothing to do with the fact it was Thranduil’s breath he could feel against his neck.

“Fine. But I’m bringing my wine.” Thranduil breathed, and he actually did nip Bard’s ear and Bard’s breath caught.

Bard decided to bring his drink as well.

It was empty but Thranduil was already pouring him a goblet of wine and handing it to him with a mischievous smile.

Bard took his drink and pulled Thranduil out to where a lot of dwarves were making a racket and doing some kind of dwarvish dance that Bard didn’t know and Thranduil would refuse to dance even if he did know it.

So instead, whilst doing their best not to spill there drinks everywhere (Thranduil was being considerably more successful than Bard) they started their own dance. If you could call it that. It was more of a stumble, a clumsy stumble from Bard and a far more graceful stumble from Thranduil, but a stumble nonetheless. Why was it you only realised how drunk you were when you stood up? Or at least Bard assumed that was what had happened to Thranduil the moment he stood up.

Either that or his newest goblet of wine was far stronger than the rest.

Really Thranduil could drink a startling amount of wine, no wonder he used to receive so many barrels.

Now that they were out in the space of the grand hall, Bard had no idea how they were actually going to dance with their drinks, so Bard just looked at his goblet and them dumbly up to Thranduil. Thranduil rolled his eyes at Bard (they did that to each other a lot) and draped an arm around Bard’s neck, reeling him in with a smile, a real smile as well, not one of his smirks (as much as Bard loved them as well).

Bard slung his free arm around Thranduil’s waist and pulled them together with a smile of his own. They both managed to hold their drinks while they swayed together, Thranduil trying to time them to the music and Bard failing because he had always been terrible at dancing.

Thranduil rolled his eyes (again) and started moving them into some kind of rhythm that matched with the music at least a little. It was pretty lively music, which was leading to an awful lot of laughing from Bard and scowling from Thranduil which inevitably turned into laughter as well.

And unfortunately lively music and laughter was pretty conducive to drinking so they were also getting increasingly drunk, breaking off occasionally to pour themselves some more wine and return to the dance floor (and in a wild turn of events, Thranduil was now the one pulling Bard back to dancing).

“See. I knew you’d enjoy it.” Bard grinned, voice slurred and back to tripping over his own feet as they moved around the floor in something that probably couldn’t be classed as dancing.

“What makes you think I’m enjoying it?” Thranduil protested, voice missing its usual precision and listing into Bard even more than he was before.

“You’re smiling that smile.” Bard explained eloquently and with a grin, the smile that meant Thranduil was genuinely happy (and it was a testament to the alcohol that he was wearing that smile in front of the dwarves, but they seemed to have faded into the background despite all their noise).

“That’s not because of the dancing.” Thranduil protested again, he never could deal with being proved wrong, even apparently when drunk. “Although you and your two left feet are amusing.” He teased, giggling as Bard tripped over himself a little again.

“Shush you.” Bard responded petulantly as he sorted out his feet, Thranduil giggled a little (it was so weird that Bard could get the Elvenking to _giggle_ ) and then plastered them back together, tightening the arm around Bard’s neck to help hold himself up. “Why are you all smiley then?” Bard asked, suspiciously raising an eyebrow.

“You.” Thranduil responded with a grin and apparently his friend was even drunker than he was because there was a set of lips mouthing at his neck.

Bard’s felt a lump in his throat and his breath grow laboured as Thranduil mouthed and nipped along his neck, he could feel his dick stirring. Luckily Bard was far too drunk for anything to be happening in the pants department too quickly.

Bard was just drunk enough to realise he probably shouldn’t be having this reaction to his friend.

He took another long gulp of his drink and started running his fingers through his friend’s hair instead.

Thranduil hummed against Bard’s neck, he could feel the smile against his skin.

“I think, we’re a little drunk.” Bard murmured as Thranduil nuzzled into him.

“Yes.” Thranduil replied happily and a little dreamily, finishing his latest goblet of wine (Valar knows what number goblet he was on by now) and tossing it in the general direction of the table to his hand was free to join his other around Bard’s neck.

Bard followed suit, finishing his wine (far fewer than Thranduil but in the same state) and throwing it towards the table, wrapping his arms around Thranduil’s waist and nuzzling into his silvery hair.

“We could get out of here.” Thranduil said, voice slurred and teasing, apparently deciding it was finally okay for them to leave.

“I’m not entirely sure you could ride like this.” Bard pointed out. “Nor me.”

“I can always go for a ride with you.” Thranduil responded and really that did not make any sense, what was he talking about.

Bard always got a little slow when he was drunk.

Oh well, Bard shrugged it off.

“You want to go home?” Bard asked, voice huskier than it was a moment ago from the way Thranduil’s mouth was nibbling at his ear.

“Wherever you’re going is good.” Thranduil pulled back to grin at him and Bard snorted, grabbing Thranduil’s hand and stumbling over to Dain, who was watching them suspiciously.

“We would like to thank you for inviting us.” Bard said, pretty proud of how he kept his voice steady, but he must’ve been less so than he thought, because Dain snorted. “But now I think we’re going to go home.” Bard told him with a nod, but now Dain was scowling which he didn’t understand.

“Yer’ve got to be kiddin.” Dain stated, folding his arms stoically.

“Noooo?” Bard responded, fuzzy brain confused, not helped by the _very_ distracting way in which Thranduil had pushed himself up against his back.

“Yer far too drunk to be riding. Yer’ve got a room. Go sleep it off.” Dain instructed, before turning and leaving, Bard heard him say to another dwarf that they were not allowed to ride tonight.

Looks like they were staying then.

“Come on you big lump, we need to find our room.” Bard announced, trying to get Thranduil off his back (literally not figuratively) so he could walk more easily.

“Mm not a big lump. Mm a graceful creature of grace and beauty and grace.” Thranduil stated just as he tripped over and fell on his royal ass.

Bard laughed at him, he just looked so confused about what just happened (made sense, elves didn’t tend to fall over). Thranduil scowled at him before getting a twinkle in his glassy eyes and kicking Bard’s shaky legs out from under him.

“You bastard!” Bard shouted.

Thranduil laughed.

He couldn’t help but join in. Before long they were laughing so hard they hurt and Bard had buried his face in Thranduil’s clothes.

Bard was vaguely aware of some dwarves looking more than a little put out and corralling them as best they could back in the direction of their room (and making sure they didn’t fall off the walkway and plunge to their death). But they were a little too wound up in their laughter to really notice.

Well, that was until Thranduil was pawing at Bard’s clothes and Bard was giggling and the Dwarves clearly decided they could leave them to their own devices to get back to their room, and made a quick exit with moderately disgusted expressions.   

“Get off you letch.” Bard laughed as Thranduil started pulling at his shirt with more and more intent as they stumbled into their room.

“Don’t want to.” Thranduil grinned, kissing at Bard’s neck and well, Bard didn’t really need his shirt did he? So he let Thranduil discard it.

Which would have been fine if Thranduil’s ever cheeky mouth wasn’t then all over him.

Bard couldn’t help his small whimper when Thranduil licked at his nipples. Even the considerable amount he had drunk wasn’t stopping the stirring in his groin now.

But Bard was drunk, they both were, and Thranduil was slipping out of his own clothes (of which there were many, _many,_ layers) and he was finding it hard to think straight.

Because of the drink not Thranduil’s state of undress, of course.

Maybe not.

Bard was staring and Thranduil was smirking and they were tripping back onto the bed and they were kissing.

It was sloppy and messy and drunk and the best kiss he had ever had.

He’d always known Thranduil would be an excellent kisser.

“Thran.” Bard slurred, nudging at Thranduil, trying to get some room from where he was draped over him.

“Mmm?” Thranduil asked, moving his kisses to Bard’s jaw.

“I really really need the loo.” Bard told him and Thranduil immediately burst out laughing burying his face in Bard’s neck as he shook with laughter.

Bard smiled, he loved making Thranduil laugh.

But he also really did need the toilet so he shoved Thranduil off and got up.

“Be right back.” He grinned, swaying where he stood as he felt light headed, though from Thranduil of the drink he did not know.

“I’ll be waiting.” Thranduil grinned, slurring almost as much as Bard.

And when he got back Thranduil was waiting, but he was also completely fast asleep and even snoring a little.

He was so cute.

At least as far as Bard was concerned.

And he just looked so peaceful that Bard couldn’t bring himself to wake him up and just slipped in behind him, careful not to wake the elf even as he wrapped an arm around his waist.

His hair really did smell very good. Bard kind of wanted to drown in the smell of him. Drown in everything Thranduil.

But he was beginning to feel rather woozy from the alcohol, so instead he just fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry again for the wait, as always comments and kudos make my life ^.^


	4. Chapter 4

 

The first thing Bard noticed when he woke up was the horrendous pounding in his skull – seriously it felt like something was trying to hammer its way out of his brain. 

The second thing he noticed was the way that he was he and Thranduil were sleeping, Thranduil smooth bare back pressed up against Bard’s bare chest, arm slung over Thranduil’s waist and their legs tangled together.

The third thing Bard noticed was that he only had his underwear on.

The fourth thing, was that Thranduil wasn’t even wearing that.

Bard took that moment to start freaking out.

Because he couldn’t remember a bloody thing. He must have drunk _a lot_ last night.

Oh Valar they hadn’t, _had they?_

Bard was decidedly not analysing exactly how he seemed to feel about the thought of being intimate with his very close friend because that was making the possibility that Bard had taken drunken advantage much more likely and he couldn’t deal with that thought right now.

Actually, no. No matter how drunk Thranduil was he couldn’t ever imagine him letting anyone take advantage of him unless he wanted them to.

But unfortunately that notion wasn’t changing the way his body was reacting just to the thought and seriously what was wrong with Bard, Thranduil was his friend, they were only pretending to be in a relationship so it’s not like Thranduil suddenly felt something more than that either.

And neither did Bard, of course.

No way.

Bard needed to get out of the bed fast so he could go back to focusing on his hangover rather than the way Thranduil was pressed up against him.

Naked and pressed up against him.

Naked and moving and pressed up against him.

This was not good, Thranduil was making these fucking adorable little sleepy snuffly noises and fidgeting around which was rubbing his bare-ass right in Bard’s crotch which was having a very distinct reaction right now and for Valar sake now he was turning around in Bard’s arms and has he mentioned that Thranduil is _naked?!_

Bard backed out of the bed so fast he fell off the bed and onto his ass in a pile of limbs.

Fortunately after a heavy night of drinking Thranduil always slept like the dead. Something Bard had discovered in one of the long nights spent laughing and drinking together in Dale after the battle.

Bard then found his clothes, and was a little concerned by the way they seemed to be strewn over the room rather like they had been torn off him and discarded.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted his memory back or not.

But he didn’t get very long to think about it because it sounded like Thranduil was waking up so Bard dragged all of his clothes on as quickly as possible so that the evidence looked a little less damning.

Bard then plonked himself down in a chair (and his thumping head was not thanking him from all of his sudden movements) and pretending to be reading something that wasn’t even in the common tongue but Khuzdul so he had absolutely no idea what he was reading.  

“…Bard?” Thranduil started, voice all groggy with sleep and hair all mussed up as he sat up in bed.

Bard scolded himself for his eyes catching on his perky nipples. Seriously what was his problem today?

He was a terrible friend.

“Yeah Thran?” Bard answered, wincing at the noise and trying his best to feign nonchalance.

“Where are my clothes?” He asked and _dammit_ Bard should have quickly folded them up somewhere so they didn’t look so…suspicious.

Having said that, he’d never known Thranduil to have memory loss no matter how much he drunk. The bastard never even seemed to get hung over. Stupid elves.

He had no idea if Thranduil remembering would be great because he could relieve Bard’s curiosity, or terrible because they had in fact done what it looked like they had done.

Valar bard really hoped they hadn’t.

He wanted to remember it.

Wait what?  

“Um, they’re kind of, strewn around the room.” Bard told him a little sheepishly, ignoring whatever weird path his brain had just tried to go around.

Thranduil was his friend, he didn’t want to sleep with him. Well, of course he was beautiful, the most beautiful thing Bard had ever seen in fact. And he was definitely maddeningly sexy in his way as well. But Bard only meant that objectively.

Didn’t he?

Bard was about two thoughts off shutting his brain up by having another drink.

“Oh, right of course.” Thranduil replied like he expected his clothes to be randomly thrown around the room.

Crap, that probably meant he remembered. Although he didn’t look mad.

“Bard, why do you look like a small elifing being caught doing something naughty?” Thranduil asked, and did he _really_ have to phrase it like that.

“Um, what happened last night? It looks like we got…very into character?” Bard said cautiously, Thranduil rolled his eyes.

“Oh, of course, mortals and their memories. We got drunk, we danced, we disgusted a few dwarves by being rather touchy feely, we stumbled back here, clothes came off, then I fell asleep before anything fun happened.” Thranduil explained nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t telling him how they almost had sex last night.

Maybe Thranduil wouldn’t mind.

Maybe Bard wouldn’t mind…

Bard mentally slapped himself again, Thranduil was probably just casual about it because he was Thranduil. Nothing else. Although, there was something lightly off about his casual tone. Maybe he was just giving Bard the benefit of the doubt.

“Right. Well, at least we didn’t do something we’d regret.” Bard laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, he saw something flash across Thranduil’s eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it was there.

“Quite.” He answered, his tone suddenly clipped. Bard couldn’t work out why, maybe he did have a bit of a headache.

And then Bard was forcing himself to look away as quickly as possibly because Thranduil was just climbing out the bed like he wasn’t as naked as the day he was born and for some reason Bard couldn’t look at that right now without having _really_ inappropriate reaction to his friend getting dressed.

He should probably analyse his feelings right about now but it really didn’t seem like the time.

“We should pack, I’d like to be out of this cesspool they call a kingdom as soon as possible.” Thranduil griped as he dressed, his mood having turned sour for some reason.

But Bard needed a distraction and packing was as good as any so he started shoving yesterday’s outfits into bags and really it was a testament to how strange a mood Thranduil was suddenly in that he didn’t even complain that Bard wasn’t folding anything.

They packed in silence and it wasn’t like their usual companionable silence, no, today there was something uncomfortable in their air between them and Bard didn’t like it. But he didn’t know how to make it better either, so he just packed quietly.

It didn’t take long, and soon enough they were heading out into the halls of Erebor, making a beeline for the grand entrance (and more importantly exit). But unsurprisingly they were having to move past a considerable number of dwarves so Bard found Thranduil’s hand and linked their fingers together.

Thranduil let their fingers tangle and seemed to sigh as Bard rubbed his thumb gently against the back of his hand.

Somehow it made Bard feel a lot better, even if the sigh seemed…resigned. Maybe Thranduil was getting annoyed with this whole charade.

Although to be honest most of it seemed to come rather naturally to them.

Besides, it was Thranduil’s own mess after all.

When they got outside, Bard winced at the sudden glaring light, body violently reminding him that he was in fact very hung over. The prospect of riding was not a fun one, maybe he would just walk.

“Bard, are you okay? Looking a little ill.” Thranduil commented, ever observant, as some dwarves organised their bags onto the horse and elk.

“Yeah, sorry, just hung over. Light, movement and noise are all rather not good at the moment.” Bard grimaced, looking at the prospect of climbing up onto his horse and having a jolting journey home. “I may walk.”

“Nonsense, ride with me.” Thranduil told him, looking to help him up onto the great elk.

“…I don’t see how they would be any better?” Bard pointed out.

“He is a far smoother ride, and you won’t have to worry about guiding him, as I will be doing that, so you are welcome to close your eyes if you wish.” Thranduil explained and the elk was looking like the far more welcoming option now.

“Thank you.” Bard smiled as Thranduil swung himself gracefully up onto the elk.

“And when we get back, I shall even make you a remedy for your ‘hangover’.” Thranduil smiled, helping Bard up onto the elk behind him, wrapping his arms around Thranduil and refusing to let his mind wander anywhere (he was actually focussing on his thumping headache to avoid it).

“I think I love you.” Bard laughed into Thranduil’s neck, tucking his head there and Thranduil seemed to go slightly stiff, maybe it was something to do with getting the elk to move, Bard had no idea how to ride one after all.

And Thranduil must be some kind of horse whisperer because Bard’s horse followed patiently behind them.

But then Thranduil did have a very unique relationship with all animals.

Thranduil took it at a very gentle pace and Bard had no doubt that was for his sake. He pressed a kiss into Thranduil’s neck without really thinking about it.

They arrived in Dale and Thranduil swept off into Bard’s house very quickly after helping Bard down without a word, Bard didn’t like it, they were usually so in tune with each other. But he didn’t know what was wrong.

“Bard, are you okay?” Hilda asked as Bard fought off a wave of nausea before turning to go after Thranduil, set on finding out what was wrong.

“Yeah, just hung over.” Bard grimaced, Hilda had been an excellent choice as one of his advisors, the city wouldn’t be nearly as organised without her.

“You and king Thranduil seemed rather…close.” She commented with a raised eyebrow, and Bard had all but forgotten what it must have looked like, riding in cuddled against Thranduil’s back.

“Yeah, about that. Me and Thranduil are...” Bard trailed off, not entirely sure how exactly to phrase it, but knowing they were supposed to be convincing everyone, not just the dwarves.

Bard was trying to think about how their inevitable future ‘split’ was making him feel even though everything was fake anyway, even if it didn’t feel it.

Honestly did he hit his head last night?

“Honestly Bard, we already knew.” Hilda laughed, patting his arm jovially, and what?

“Oh, how? Did the dwarves tell you?” Bard asked a little puzzled.

“Bard, we’ve known for months.” She chuckled, squeezing Bard’s arm and walking off, leaving behind a rather confused Bard.

What on earth did she mean they’ve known for months?! How?! What did they know?! Who was we?!

There was nothing to know.

Was there.

Of course not.

But then again…

Before Bard could finish, or even really start that very, _very_ , dangerous train of thought, Thranduil reappeared carrying a steaming wooden mug of the concoction he makes that staves off hangovers and colds.

They had been introduced to it when Tilda had contracted a cold and Thranduil had thought she was going to die.

Bard lit up when he saw Thranduil’s miracle potion, grinning as it was handed to him and trying to ignore the flutter in his gut as their fingers dragged when he took it.

He took one sip and instantly started to feel better. Elven medicine was something else.

“That’s it, I really do love you.” Bard grinned, trying to lighten the air between them but seeming to make it worse instead, or at least no better. Thranduil had that distant look in his eye that Bard _hated_ , especially when it seemed to be something to do with him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Bard asked, catching Thranduil wrist in his hand as he went to walk away, gently tugging him back. “You’re all distant and stiff.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Thranduil told him, which was also rather unlike him, usually he lept on any opportunity to whine.

“Well I am worrying, I don’t like it when you’re any less that happy.” Bard said softly, not even noticing the way his thumb was tracing soothing circles on Thranduil’s pulse point. “Did I say something?”

“No, honestly Bard I am fine. Just tired.” And it was a lie, Bard knew he well enough to know that, but he decided not to push, Thranduil clearly didn’t want to say and the last thing Bard wanted was to make it worse.

“If you’re sure.” Bard replied, reaching up to carefully bush away an eyelash, stroking gently over his smooth snowy cheek as he did so, Thranduil sighed into the touch, maybe he just needed a bit of contact today, like he always had sometimes.

“I’m just being foolish. Anyway, don’t we have a city to convince of our undying love?” Thranduil smirked, mood changing so suddenly that Bard was almost completely convinced it was just another of his façades, another kind of mask he put up.

Bard didn’t know what to do with that, he wasn’t used to Thranduil’s masks being directed at him.

“Indeed we do.” Bard grinned, hoping Thranduil’s cheer would at least become genuine.

He decided not to tell him about Hilda’s comment. He hadn’t finished being confused about that himself yet.

“Any ideas?” He all but purred, making Bard really rather aware of how close he was.

Which was strange. Because to be honest Thranduil behaved like this with him quite a lot anyway, all teasing and flirtatious, Bard had just never really noticed how…intimate it was before.

It was probably just because he was actually thinking about it now, with people to convince.

“Well you could always stay here for a few weeks longer than usual.” Bard suggested with a grin, as if that would be a chore, they had always been looking for excuses to spend more time together anyway.

“I certainly could. Then you and the kids could pay a visit to me in my halls…” Thranduil added, both of them grinning, knowing how excited Tilda would be at the concept (and she wasn’t the only one, Bard always missed his friend when he was gone, luckily it never seemed to be for long, there was always some reason Bard or he had found to visit the other).

“Very convincing.” Bard agreed, believing that at least now Thranduil’s smile was real, it looked like his real one, he always had it when they were joking together, or just talking, or drinking, or doing anything together really.

It felt it was just for Bard.

With a grin and without a thought Bard ducked forward, pressing a quick kiss to Thranduil’s cheek and taking his hand once more to lead the way back home, they had some children to greet.

“The people of Dale are being remarkably nonchalant.” Thranduil commented as they walked hand in hand across the square, because absolutely no one had batted a single eyelid as they went hand in hand, and they had all certainly seen the exchange earlier as well.

“I’m sure they’ll gossip away as soon as we’re out of sight.” Bard laughed, although he had not forgotten Hilda’s comment.

“Maybe we’re just not scandalous enough.” Thranduil answered and Bard could literally hear the mischief in his voice and therefore really shouldn’t have been surprised when there were lips on his neck and a hand travelling down his back and on his ass.

“Behave you.” Bard scolded, which lost a lot of its effect given that he was also snorting at his friends ridiculous antics.

He gave Thranduil a swat to get him off, stoically ignoring the _purely biological_ response he was having to his friend. Maybe he’d have to tell Thranduil to lay off a bit with the hands.

Only problem was he really didn’t want him to.

It had been a truly tragic amount of time since anyone had been this physically close to him.

That would be something of a comfort were it not for the fact that he did not like the idea of anyone other than Thranduil being anywhere near him in this context right now.

But that was another dangerous thought so Bard wasn’t lingering on it.

After all it was only an act for Thranduil. Only an act for Bard as well of course. Totally.

Still their acting was confusing his body.

Anyway, thankfully and unthankfully Thranduil did stop pawing at him, although he did start pouting which made Bard snort and roll his eyes.

“You’re terrible.” Bard laughed, as they headed indoors, their joined hands not bothering to drop.

Well, that was at least until small footsteps started thundering towards them and Bard had to break off to catch his youngest, only to be completely snubbed as she dove for Thranduil instead.

“Gee, thanks darlin’ I missed you too.” Bard chuckled as Thranduil looked like he was utterly melting at his greeting, and well, it was difficult to be at all annoyed when Thranduil looked like that.

But then because Thranduil was Thranduil he quickly turned smug instead.

“Don’t be bitter Bard.” He grinned, Bard gave a half-hearted glare.

“I missed you too da.” Tilda reassured, lunging over to hug Bard instead and really, Bard never would get tired of her hugs. “It’s just I don’t see Thranduil as much as you.”

“Actually, Thran is going to be staying for a few more weeks.” Bard smiled, he and Thranduil sharing a smile as she lit up at the prospect.

“Will you teach me how to braid? You promised you would! Please please please.” Tilda pleaded, balling her little fists in Thranduil’s gowns.

“Of course.” Thranduil assured her just as Bain and Sigrid poked their heads around the corner to greet them. “And after a few week, I thought I would finally follow through on my promise to show you all my realm.”

That announcement lead to three utterly delighted gasps of ‘really!’ and an entire day spent in excitement, with demands that Thranduil show them all the things he promised he would like riding, swordplay, shooting, braiding, and he even reminded all three of them of his promise to get them elves circlets made, that had led to even more excitement.

As dinner rolled around, Bard moved around Thranduil in the kitchen, trying (and failing) to teach him how to cook, probably because Thranduil was always paying more attention to him than the actual cooking. To be honest that always had a warm feeling pooling in Bard.

He figured out what it was halfway through dinner as he felt like he was going to drown in just how happy he was. Figured out what the odd feelings and inappropriate reactions he had been getting the last few days was, no doubt prompted by their little act.

With his children and Thranduil all sat around the table, stuffing their faces and still talking with manic excitement about their trip to Thranduil’s halls in the near future. He realised it while he and Thranduil were sharing a soft smile. A realisation no doubt prompted by their little charade these last couple of days. 

He was in love with his best friend, it wasn’t an act for him.

But Thranduil was only pretending.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you are still enjoying it! And I love you forever for sticking with it <3
> 
> As always comments and kudos bring me joy ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for yet another long wait till an update, from now on I shall be trying to keep it to an update every week and fortnight at most ^.^
> 
> But rest assured that I will never abandon the story <3
> 
> Thank you for sticking with it!

 

“...Bard? Bard, are you okay?”

Bard vaguely heard Thranduil speaking, but it wasn’t until a smooth hand reached across the table and found his own that he was jarred out of his thoughts.

Those thoughts being that he was apparently in love with his best friend.

His best friend who was only pretending to love him back.

This charade was going to hurt.

“Yeah. Sorry, just daydreaming.” Bard lied, forcing a smile and hoping Thranduil bought it.

He didn’t, Bard could tell by his face, but he also didn’t push, probably because the children were there.

Bard continued to be distracted throughout the meal, luckily Tilda was eagerly commanding all of Thranduil’s attention with her numerous questions about his realm and when they could go and how long they could stay. Sigrid however was shooting her father concerned looks all through dinner.

Tilda continued her rigorous questioning right into the evening, taking up residence on Thranduil’s lap in the little living room and having her hair braided as Thranduil patiently answered all of her questions with a soft smile.   

Bard as not prepared for the sight of Tilda falling sleep on him, and Thranduil impossibly gently lifting her up and carrying her up to her room without a word. Bard was helpless but to follow as Thranduil headed up the stairs with his little girl, watching from the door way as he tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead, saying something in soft elvish before rising quietly from her bedside.

“What is troubling you Bard?” Thranduil asked as he reached him in the doorway leaning on the other side, leaving them close together.

Bard desperately wanted to kiss him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because there was no one there to see the show. Because it wasn’t supposed to be real.

“Nothing.” Bard lied again, he never used to lie to his friend.

“Please don’t lie to me Bard.” Thranduil implored, tucking an unruly bit of his brown hair behind his ear, Bard wanted to melt into the touch. “I want nothing more than to rid you of whatever it is that plagues you.”

Valar he was just so sincere. How Bard had managed not to realise exactly what he felt for his friend was incredible.

“It is nothing important, it will pass soon enough on its own.” Another lie, Bard was well aware this wasn’t going to pass, certainly not any time soon.

“Still, I would have you tell me.” Thranduil said softly before squeezing Bard’s hand and making his way back downstairs.

Bard quietly closed the door to his daughter’s room and followed him, it wasn’t long before Sigrid and Bain were also bidding them both a goodnight, heading up themselves.

Bard almost considered pouring them so wine as had become their tradition for evenings spent together, but then he remembered the scene he had awoken to this morning, what had reportedly almost happened the night before, and he thought better of it.

One night of drunken mistakes was not going to be enough for him.

For the first time since they had met, Bard did not know what to say.

So they just kind of, sat there, Thranduil looking concerned and Bard probably looking like a small lost puppy.

Gracefully Thranduil rose from his armchair and came over to where Bard was sitting, pressing his palm to Bard’s forehead, like he was taking his temperature, then brushing his hair back from his face.

“Are you feeling unwell?”  

“No, uh, just a little out of it I guess.” Bard answered, catching Thranduil’s hand before it could stroke through his hair again, but then their hands were just entwined instead as Thranduil linked their fingers instead of letting them drop.

“Well, to bed I think. Maybe you will feel more put together in the morning.” Thranduil suggested, gently tugging him up from the sofa and leading the way to his bedroom.

Bard didn’t know if Thranduil planned to sleep with him or n the guest bedroom, the masochist in him desperately wanted him in his bed, close and warm, but his head was telling him that as much space as possible would probably be best in this unique situation.

But Thranduil made no move to go to the guest bedroom, unpacking some of his night things and hanging clothes up in Bard’s bedroom. Maybe it was strange that he was silently choosing to stay in Bard’s bed, there was no one but them in and the children in the house after all, but Bard decided not to overanalyse it, they were friends in Thranduil’s mind, nothing more.

It was always going to be Thranduil’s choice, Bard could not have denied him either way.

Bard averted his eyes as Thranduil casually started to undress, yet more evidence that the feeling between them was not shared, he doubted Thranduil would be as nonchalant about it if it was.

Bard dug around in his drawer until he found his nightshirt, usually sleeping only in his underclothes, before pulling the barely worn garment over his head. It always made him too hot in the night.

Bard slipped into bed and did his best not to think about how it was Thranduil next to him, a warm weight on the left side of his bed that had been empty for a very long while.

Bard shut his eyes and somehow managed to force himself into sleep.

It was not surprising when Bard woke up in the night sweaty and entirely too hot. He never wore his nightshirt because it usually made him too hot, let alone with another warm body in the bed with him.

A warm body which sometime during the night had ended up curled up with his back against Bard’s chest, Bard’s arm draped over his waist.

Bard felt like a furnace, and he didn’t want to wake Thranduil with his tossing and turning because he was too hot. So carefully Bard moved his arm and went to climb out of bed without jostling the sleeping elf.

But he really should’ve known it was a fruitless task to even try because he barely even had his legs swung over the side of the bed before a slender hand had hold of his wrist.

“Just take your shirt off.” Thranduil mumbled sleepily. “Kick the covers down.” He suggested, already tugging Bard back down into their bed.

“You’ll get cold.” Bard murmured back as he slipped his shirt off and started pulling the covers back up despite being too hot himself, only to have Thranduil toss them back off so they were only covering their feet instead.

“M’ an elf. We don’t tend to get too hot or too cold.” He explained sleepily. “Come back to sleep meleth nín.” He mumbled again, Bard wasn’t sure what it meant, but Thranduil seemed basically asleep anyway, so he didn’t worry about it and just tucked Thranduil back against his chest, wrapping his arm back over Thranduil’s waist.

He pressed a kiss into Thranduil’s hair before he really realised what he was doing, but he was too tired to worry about it. Thranduil just sighed and seemed to melt against his chest.

He wanted to fall asleep like this every night.

He wanted it to be real.

Bard didn’t wake again in the night, sleeping through far longer than he was usually able. He’d spent so much of his life waking with the sun, before the sun even, that he doubted that he would ever be able to sleep when it was light outside.

But here, with Thranduil in his arms he slept right through the dawn and wasn’t woken until small feet came thundering into the room and a pair of knobbly knees jumped onto the bed and hit Bard in the stomach.

Bard woke with an ‘oof’, as did the warm elf next to him.

“Da! Thranduil! Wake up wake up!” Tilda shouted and Bard groaned.

“Inside voices darlin’.” Bard pleaded, groggy from being woken so suddenly.

“Sorry.” Tilda mumbled a little sheepishly as Thranduil gently removed one of her knees from his gut.

“Nothing to worry about pen-neth.” Thranduil assured, voice sleepy, but giving Tilda his full attention regardless. “How may we help you?”

“Well on the weekends da usually makes pancakes and it’s almost eleven and da never sleeps that long and you said you would take me out on your elk today and, and…I was just excited.” Tilda trailed off despite her big smile.

“It’s eleven!” Bard yelped, sitting up in bed, there was definitely something he should probably be doing right now other than cuddling in bed with someone who was only pretending to be in love with him.

“I’m sure Dale is still standing even though you had a lie in.” Thranduil smiled fondly. “Although Tilda here appears to be on the very brink of starvation.” Thranduil then grinned, surprising Bard and Tilda by starting a tickle attack on her tummy.

Tilda giggled and Thranduil laughed and Bard died a little bit inside.

“Do you know how to make pancakes?” Tilda asked when the assault had finished, prodding Thranduil as she did so.

“Not a clue.” Thranduil admitted. “But maybe da will teach me.” He finished with a smile.

“He can teach us both!” Tilda yelled happily, and both of them turned their innocent little faces onto Bard.

The idea of the ancient Elvenking looking innocent was pretty funny actually, pouting a little and making his eyes all big.

Bard sighed dramatically.

“Fine.” He relented. “I’ll teach you both, go get the ingredients out Til, ask Sigrid to help you if you can’t reach, do not stand on the counter okay?”

“Okay!” Tilda agreed, leaping off the bed and bounding back out the door.

“How someone so small can make so much noise is incredible.” Thranduil laughed under his breath as Tilda crashed her way downstairs.

“Agreed.” Bard laughed, climbing out of the bed and finding himself some clothes for the day.

“Bard?” Thranduil asked from the bed when Bard had thrown on some trousers and a tunic for the day.

“Yeah Thran?” Bard answered, trying not to think about just how cute Thranduil looked all sleepy with mussed hair, bleary eyes and the crumpled sheets pooled around his waist.

“My bags are in the guest room, could you fetch them?”

“And you can’t get them yourself because?” Bard snorted, only to get Thranduil’s best pleading look turned on him.

“Please? I don’t want to get dressed just to nip down the hall to change again. My clothes are not as fast as yours.” Thranduil explained and he was essentially being lazy but he had said please.

“Since you asked so nicely.” Bard agreed suddenly having to stop himself from leaning down to kiss Thranduil before leaving the room.

It was just so impossibly domestic.

It’s not like they needed to be this way when they were alone.

It was messing with Bard.

But he had no idea how to stop now.

Bard went to grab Thranduil’s bags – of which there were many – unable to carry all of them, he left a few, Thranduil could move them into his – their? – bedroom later.

“Thank you.” Thranduil smiled as Bard dropped them inside the door, climbing out the bed and forcing Bard to tear his eyes away from his only partially dressed and unfairly beautiful friend.

Bard escaped the bedroom and headed downstairs, where Tilda was just finishing organising all the ingredients for the pancakes and bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet as she waited for him.

“Shall we get started then munchkin?” Bard asked, ruffling her hair a little.

“We have to wait for Thranduil! You were going to teach us both.” Tilda pointed out, and Bard was amazed that she would rather wait for Thranduil than get one step closer to pancakes, Thranduil should feel honoured.

“Well alright then.” Bard smiled.

“But, how long will he be?” Tilda asked, startling a laugh out of Bard, eyes on the prize – or in this cake pancakes – once again.

“You know I really don’t know.” Bard replied, imagining it could be a little while before Thranduil had donned his many layers of royal garb and organised his hair to its usual flawless state.   

But Bard was proven wrong only a few moments later when Thranduil descended the stairs. Bard’s jaw dropped to the floor. He had no idea Thranduil dressed so casually, no idea he owned anything so simple.

Simple earthy brown leggings and a rich green tunic, his hair loosely braided to one side. He was breath-taking.

He was always breath-taking.

“Do pick your jaw up from the floor Bard, it can’t be such a surprise that some of my clothes are for simple comfort.” Thranduil smirked as he came into the kitchen, the snarky elf Bard knew and loved surfacing.

“Well, actually, it is.” Bard responded, realising he was probably being too obvious about the way he was checking out Thranduil and went back to pouring out flour.

“Well, you are one of very few people that has ever seen me in such attire I suppose.” Thranduil relented, lifting up Tilda and setting her down on the countertop so that she could watch Bard’s cooking better.

“What do you wear them for? I can’t imagine there are many days when you are not needed to do something kingly at least once.” Bard asked, still wondering why Thranduil own such clothes.

“Sneaking out.” Thranduil told him with a conspiratorial grin.

“Sneaking out? I don’t believe you.” Bard laughed, getting the most absurd mental image of Thranduil climbing out his window and prancing off into the forest.

“Some days, I just really do not feel like being the king. I have such a reputation that if I change my clothing so radically, no one even looks twice at me, and I can slip out the front doors entirely unnoticed. But that is our little secret.” Thranduil told him, mischievous smile playing at his lips, Bard just stared in disbelief.

“You’ll catch flies.” Thranduil remarked in an amused voice before tucking his delicate fingers under Bard’s chin and pressing his jaw shut.

“I still don’t believe it.” Bard mumbled before turning back to the baking and adding in the flour.

“Maybe I shall sneak out and come visit you someday, maybe that would convince you.” Thranduil suggested, Bard somehow hoped he was being serious, because that would be a memory he would not soon forget.

“I think that would do it.” Bard told him, voice daring him to do it one day.

“You could meet me in the forest and we could go for a dalliance among the trees and the stars.” Thranduil teased, Bard licked his lips at the idea. “That really would get people talking.”

And there was the reminder, the one that let him know that this was an act, that it was only worth it if it convinced people of their relationship.

Bard managed a forced smile and turned back to the pancakes.

“Yeah, I’m sure it would.” He agreed, but the playfulness was gone from his voice.

“Hey, you okay?” Thranduil asked, sensing Bard’s mood change as quickly as it happened, apparently there wasn’t anything he could hide from Thranduil, which could prove problematic.

“Yeah, just need to concentrate on these pancakes. It’s your first pancake experience therefore they must be perfect.” Bard declared, forcing himself to perk up. “Here watch this.” Bard continued, taking the frying pan off the heat and nudging Thranduil’s firm chest backwards.

“What are you doing?” Thranduil asked puzzled, at the same time as Tilda cheered.

“Da you never manage that.” Bain reminded him with a snort.

“I’ve slain a dragon, I can flip a pancake.” Bard said defiantly.

“Whatever you say da.” Sigrid giggled, wandering to join them in the kitchen, no doubt in the hopes of a little entertainment if Bard failed to flip it.

“What are you trying to do?” Thranduil asked, amused by still puzzled.

“Just watch.” Bard winked before tossing the pancake up in the air so hard it stuck to the ceiling.

“I’m watching.” Thranduil smirked, eyes indeed fixed on the ceiling.

“Oh shut up you, all of you.” Bard grumbled. “I’ll manage it this time.” He added as he went back to making the next one.

The next one landed on the floor, the one after that awkwardly landed half on the pan and half off, breaking in half as a result.

But the fourth one was by far the funniest.

“Okay, fourth time lucky.” Bard promised, bringing the pan off the heat again.

“Isn’t it supposed to be third time lucky?” Thranduil remarked with a smug and teasing raised eyebrow.

“Shut up you.” Bard grumbled with nothing but affection.

“But da I’m hungry.” Tilda moaned, flopping dramatically on the countertop.

“Yeah, can we make this the last time you try to flip one before you just cook them normally so we can actually have something to eat.” Bain piped up.

“Fine. But this one is going to be good.” Bard promised before taking a deep breath and tossing the pancake in the air.

It landed square on Thranduil’s pretty blond head.

There were about five seconds of stunned silence before everyone burst out laughing. Well, except Thranduil, who just tore off a piece of the pancake and popped it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

“It really is very good.” He remarked casually, as if the thing wasn’t sitting on his head, making them all laugh even harder.

Bard had an overwhelming urge to kiss him in that moment, he found himself wishing that someone outside the family could see them, so he might get away with pressing a gentle kiss to those lips.

They all decided that Bard’s pancake flipping was done for the day, and he promised not to try it again, finally serving up piles of pancakes that they could actually eat.

As was inevitable, Bard was called away from his family in the early afternoon to tend to some matters, Tauriel showing up with a smile and promising to look after the children. She had become rather attached to them since everything that happened, Bard didn’t mind, they liked her.

Bard half expected Thranduil to stay with the children he was getting along with them so marvellously, but instead he followed Bard, claiming they could get the work done faster if he lent a hand.

The moment they stepped out in the open Thranduil’s hand was in his.

Bard was caught between the urge to drop it like it had burned him, and to never let go.

But then Thranduil murmured to him to relax, pressing a kiss just behind his ear and Bard was helpless to do anything but as Thranduil asked, letting himself relax as they wandered hand in hand towards the council room.

He coped with it by pretending it was real, that Thranduil meant the little touches and small kisses, that there was romantic love behind each of his caresses during the day.

But that only made it harder when they were in private again, and the excuses for Bard and the need to Thranduil was gone. Affectionate, Thranduil was endlessly affectionate to him, even when it was just the two of them, but it went no further than friendship, Bard was sure of it.

He felt like he was drowning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still enjoying it!
> 
> Nothing motivates me to write quite like comments and kudos do <3


	6. Chapter 6

They wandered their way towards Dale’s council chambers, hand in hand through the crisp spring air, Bard quite successfully shutting down his mind and focusing on the simple feeling of Thranduil’s hand held in his own.

“If you had a palace we wouldn’t have to walk halfway across Dale to get to your council chambers.” Thranduil pointed out, somewhere between a grumble and a whine.

“You know I don’t want a palace. I like the privacy, living away from work, just me and the kids, makes it feel more like a home.” Bard shrugged, refraining from mentioning that he would more than happily add Thranduil to the ‘just me and the kids’ part.

Us and the kids.

It felt right.

“I like it too, I wish I could have it as well. At least some of the time.” Thranduil sighed.

_You can have it as well._

“Well you’re always welcome to visit. As often and as long as you want.” Bard said instead, giving Thranduil’s hand a squeeze.

“Don’t tempt me.” Thranduil laughed, Bard getting caught up in the sound.

And Bard really _really_ wanted to tempt him.

Bard decided that although it might not be great for his sanity but while they were walking hand in hand like this he would sink back into letting himself pretend it was real.

He was doing rather well until Thranduil stopped abruptly, but he did tighten his grip on Bard’s hand to stop him as well, as if he would have gone on without him anyway.

“By the Valar I cannot go into a council chamber dressed like this.” Thranduil exclaimed, gesturing wildly (okay not wildly because he was Thranduil, but Bard could tell that if it was anyone less collected it would indeed have been wildly) at his attire.

“Why not, I think you look quite lovely.” Bard smiled, and he could have sworn he saw the tell-tale signs of a starting blush dusting across Thranduil’s snowy cheeks. 

“Yes but this was supposed to be for your eyes only.” Thranduil bemoaned, as if people seeing him out of his kingly opulence would change their view of him. If anything it would likely only unnerve them further.

“Anything else for my eyes only?” Bard asked with a tease and a wink, it earned him a swat from the Elvenking.

“Don’t tease.” Thranduil grumbled, amusement gone from his voice, Bard wondered why, he was only being playful, maybe Thranduil was worried he was getting a little too into character.

Bard’s own mood dipped instantly at the thought.

“If anything seeing you with me dressed as such will only encourage people into believing this little act of ours. I was called away rather suddenly after all.” Bard forced out, wishing for the millionth time already that day that it was not an act.

Thranduil seemed to flinch at his words. Was appearing so causal really so very terrible?

“I suppose you are right.” Thranduil agreed albeit reluctantly. “It will help convince them.” He added quietly, words sounding strange and tinged with sadness, although Bard could not begin to guess why.

He could try to fix it however, he could not stand to hear sadness in Thranduil’s voice, never had been able to.

“But my friend, no one is ever going to believe it if you look so terribly sad.” Bard smiled, words gentle and tucking his fingers under Thranduil’s chin, tilting his head so that their eyes met. “Would you give me a smile?”

“I would give you anything.” Thranduil responded, not missing a beat, his face open and earnest despite clearly having slipped right back into character.

Bard was tempted to ask for a kiss.

They were out in the open, he could get away with it, claim it was for the show, part of the ruse.

But the words did not come, they did not need to.

Thranduil stepped into his space and breathed words into Bard’s ear.

“Anything in Arda, you need only ask.” Thranduil murmured, and there was weight behind the words, with Thranduil so close and intimate, the words sounding so very sincere, that Bard almost forget they were acting.

He almost convinced himself that Thranduil felt for him in the same way Bard did he.

But then Bard heard the little giggles of a group of passing people and he remembered.

They had an audience. That was what this was about. Nothing more.

“Then I ask we hurry along to my council so that we may return home all the sooner.” Bard managed a warm smile, probably because he rather meant it.

At home it was genuine, the affection from their friendship, no one to see. That was easier for Bard to melt into, lose himself in. he could even believe that one day it might grow into something different from the elf, but he knew that in reality that was a vain hope.

 “Very well my love.” Thranduil smiled and Bard’s breath caught as he pressed a light kiss to his cheek as well as at the endearment.

The urgent meeting he had been dragged away from home for wasn’t really that urgent at all. Just some land disputes between a few of their people, but they had no set way of dealing with these things yet so they had to be dealt with swiftly to avoid them building up.

Bard knew that they needed to set up a court to deal with these kinds of things, he could not leave it as the king’s job forever. He added it to the long list of things he needed to sort out. He couldn’t really afford to take lazy days like he was today, but he could not find it in himself to deny it when Thranduil was smiling at him either.

They went through some other matters as Bard was there, what rebuilding was going on, how much food they had left, working on their own sustainability. It was not easy building a city back from ruins and ashes with so few people.

At least both their neighbours were benevolent, the dwarves shared their wealth and were turning Dale back into the hub it used to be, and Thranduil made sure they always had the food and resources they required to not just survive but be comfortable until they were properly back on their feet.

In the beginning, Bard had wondered how he would ever repay the Elvenking for his generosity, but h wasn’t really the Elvenking anymore, not to Bard, to Bard he was Thran. His friend. Who he knew would never ask for anything the city of Dale could not afford, if he ever asked for anything at all. But Bard had already resolved himself to find some way to repay him for his kindness.  

Maybe he would ask Thranduil this evening if there was anything he wanted or needed. Bard liked doing things for him regardless.

Throughout the meeting Thranduil occasionally offered suggestions whenever he and his elves would be able to potentially help with something, otherwise he remained quiet. Bard’s advisors had not been able to completely cover their surprise at Thranduil’s clothing, but none had said anything either and did well at taking it in their stride.

Bard found it harder to cope however, because Thranduil sat close to him and rested a hand on Bard’s thigh, body angled toward Bard rather than the room, as if he was only paying attention to Bard. In fact that was probably exactly what he was doing.

He was also completely showering Bard with affection. Kisses to his cheek, nibbling on his ear, running his fingers through Bard’s hair, among other things. His gathered advisors probably thought Thranduil was two seconds away from just planting himself in Bard’s lap entirely. If Bard wasn’t busy drowning himself in it he would scold Thranduil and tell him to stop because they really were trying to conduct a meeting here.

As it was his advisors looked indulgent if anything, sparing the ‘happy couple’ smiles but also looking like they really would quite like to be out of the room.

He would also quite like them out the room quickish, because then Thranduil would stop nibbling his ear which was having unfortunate consequences for the baser parts of his anatomy.

He was half tempted to give Thranduil’s ear a nibble and see how he liked it, he happened to know just how sensitive they were and were they actually in a relationship, he would most definitely be using that to his advantage by now.

But they weren’t. So he couldn’t.

And soon enough the meeting did end, probably prompted by the way Thranduil was kissing his neck which was unfair and completely unnecessary and uncalled for and Bard never wanted him to stop.

“They’re gone.” Bard said, voice rougher than usual as his advisors shut the door behind themselves as they left.

“Hmm?” Thranduil made an absent noise, like he hadn’t quite heard as he nuzzled into Bard’s neck. Bard’s hands were balled into fists at his sides to stop himself from burying them in Thranduil’s silken hair and urging him on.

“Our audience. They’ve left. You can stop.” Bard croaked out, hating himself for it but knowing that if he let Thranduil continue it would only make his feelings all too obvious when Thranduil finally noticed.

“Oh.” Thranduil answered, sounding a little dejected and pulled away from Bard immediately.  

“You know, you don’t have to become a total exhibitionist to convince them. I’m sure just holding my hand would do the trick.” Bard tried to laugh, attempting to lighten the mood with his tone and save his own personal sanity with his suggestion.

Thranduil seemed to deflate at the idea.

“I guess.” He nodded reticently.

Bard wondered why, maybe he was just highly over the top when he really was with someone, and that was why he thought he needed to behave in such a way. Maybe that was just the way of elves. Bard did not know and he did not hold out many hopes of ever finding out either.  

They wandered back to the house, only to find it empty of children, Tauriel must have taken them somewhere for a little while.

Bard wanted nothing more than to cuddle down on the sofa with Thranduil, but there was no one there to see, so there was no reason to ask.

It wasn’t awkward between them, but there was an edge that had never been there before they started this charade. Bard didn’t like it, but he didn’t know how to get rid of it either. He both wanted it to end because it was breaking him and never wanted it to end because it felt like it was sustaining him as well.

Bard felt he had never been so conflicted in all of his life.

But he could not ask them to stop now. Thranduil would want to know why, and then what would Bard say. He would not risk their friendship for anything. And he was doing this for Thranduil anyway, even if it was over a silly little lie. The truth was he would do anything for the elf.

Which reminded him of something he wanted to ask.

“I’ve been thinking.” Bard started and Thranduil’s attention moved from the dress he seemed to be making for Tilda and back to Bard. “You’ve done so much for me, well for Dale, and we have never been able to give anything back. Is there anything you would like? Say it and it shall be yours.” Bard said, sitting down on the sofa beside his friend.

“I have told you many times Bard, I require no repayment.” Thranduil answered as he always did.

“Well not repayment then, a gift or something just so thank you.” Bard pushed, thinking of what they might be able to offer him, though in truth they still did not have much.

“To have a friend like you is something I have not enjoyed in millennia Bard, it means more to me than any carts of food or building tools. You have already given me the greatest gift you have to offer simply by allowing me your friendship. I need nothing more.” Thranduil told him gently, fixing him with an earnest look and though his words were kind and beautiful his tone was almost melancholy.

“But do you want anything more? Whether you need it or not?” Bard pressed, he felt like there was something playing on the tip of Thranduil’s tongue, that he wanted to say, to ask for, but would not let himself.

“I will not ask for something you are not prepared to give.”  Thranduil replied quietly, sadly, and Bard wondered what on Arda he could possibly mean because there was nothing he would not be prepared to give him.

But the mood had turned heavy between them again. Bard did not like the frequency with which it happened of late, so instead he tried to bring a smile to that beautiful face once more.

“You make it sound like you wish to kidnap my children.” Bard pointed out, giving Thranduil’s shoulder a little nudge as he did so, bringing a little smile to the elf’s red lips.

“Perhaps.” He smiled and that really did make bard laugh.

“To be honest I think Tilda would run away with you anyway. She is completely enamoured with you.” Bard said, thinking about his little girl and the way she demanded Thranduil’s attention whenever he was here.

It made him happy, that they should get along so very well.

“And I her.” Thranduil smiled, turning back to his dressmaking.

Eventually the children came home, muddy and covered in twigs from whatever they had been doing with Tauriel (who at least looked a little sheepish). So naturally there was a mad fight for the bath.

One which Tilda one because she was the youngest and had to get to bed. Thranduil whined about having to wait so long for a bath and told them that in his realm every room had its own baths – something which Sigrid looked like she thought was an excellent idea.

But finally Thranduil managed to get his chance in the bath and Bard wished there could be some excuse to join him in there but there was none. Apparently Bard’s bath was not nearly as warm as the ones Thranduil had, so he was in and our rather more quickly than Bard had expected.

Bard rinsed the day off himself and would admit that another bath would be a good idea if they could find anywhere for it.

Thranduil was already tucked into their bed – for it already felt like their bed – by the time Bard got into the room. He didn’t bother with the nightshirt at all, knowing it would only wake him up in the night too hot.

He climbed into the bed in his underclothes figuring that as it was all Thranduil was bothering to wear there was nothing to stop him doing the same.

(Except the fact that it probably would be better for him to have more than just some thin pieces of cloth on when sharing a bed with the object of his affection).

He had not been in the bed for two seconds before Thranduil was shifting and nuzzling into his neck, fitting himself against Bard’s side. Thranduil ended up with his head on Bard’s chest and arm around his waist before he seemed to decide he was comfy.

Bard knew it would surprise most people to know how cuddly the Elvenking was, so used to his cool exterior, but from their friendship he knew how affectionate he was, it did not really surprise him that he liked to be held. Especially after spending so very long alone.

Bard would never push him away. He wrapped his arm around Thranduil’s back, holding him tight and caressing his smooth back as they both drifted to sleep.

When Bard awoke from another peaceful night he discovered that elves apparently also carried the same occasional morning problem that mortal men did, so he extracted himself gently from the bed before Thranduil could wake and the situation became awkward. Disappearing into the washroom to deal with his own far less innocently caused problem.

His dreams had starred his beautiful friend in a way that was decidedly more than friendly.

Bard felt terrible.     

The days wore on and Thranduil made no move to leave Dale, which both seemed to surprise and not surprise people.

Bard had to go back to his duties and eventually had to ban Thranduil from coming with him because he was far too distracting and Bard really did have things he needed to be doing, especially as he was also trying to organise being able to leave for a while to return with Thranduil to his realm.

It lead to Thranduil spending a lot of time with the children, something which all of them were very happy with, it was not an uncommon sight to witness the Elvenking roaming around Dale with bard’s youngest atop his shoulders, directing him wherever she wished to go.

It was well into the second week of this sweet torture when Sigrid cornered him.

It was one of the rare moments he was alone, Thranduil helping Bain with his swordplay outside and Tilda off somewhere with Tauriel, leaving Bard some much needed alone time as he cooked their dinner.

Alone until he noticed his eldest in the doorway, arms crossed and looking like a woman on a mission.

“You scared me darlin’.” Bard laughed after he noticed her there and jumped in fright.

“Da you need to stop this.” Sigrid told him, and Bard knew what she must be talking about, but evaded, pretending he didn’t.

“But you like this meal?” Bard answered, voice betraying him.

“You know that is not what I mean.” Sigrid responded, giving no quarter.

“Well what do you mean then?” Bard asked even though he knew the answer.

“I’m mean this pretending relationship you have with Thranduil and the way it’s breaking your heart. You need to stop.” She informed him, sounding so much like her mother. He missed her every day.

“I’m fine. I can cope.” Bard told her, knowing there was zero point in denying his feelings for the elf, Sigrid was far too perceptive for that.

“Da please. You’re going to get hurt, more so than you already are. Just talk to him about it.” She tried.

“I don’t want to damage our friendship.” Bard replied, for that was the reason he hadn’t already done what she suggested. “Besides, I told him I would do it, so I’ll do it.”

“Have you even considered that maybe he feels the same as you?” She asked, voice gentle, Bard just shook his head, he knew that wasn’t the case, although he appreciated her optimism. Sigrid huffed. “You are too stubborn.”

“Not usually.” Bard said, usually being more than happy to compromise and find a way forward.

“In this you are stubborn.” She shot back and Bard had to admit she was right.

“Aye.” He just agreed with her, nothing else to do.

“Please stop it da, maybe it doesn’t have to be pretend. Surely it is better to find out, better than hurting yourself like this.” She pressed, and Bard could hear the concern in her voice. She shouldn’t have to worry about him.

“It is not your job to worry about me.” Bard pulled her into his arms, giving her a tight hug and trying to reassure her.

“Well I do. Will you promise me you will put an end to it?” She implored and Bard had never meant to make her worry.

“If I still feel this way when we return from the Greenwood. Then I will try.” Bard answered, he didn’t promise because he did not want to lie, he had no idea if he would be able to end it anyway.

Maybe it would get better after their trip, they would not be able to be together all the time, maybe with distance between them it would be easier.

He knew it wouldn’t. It would just make him miss Thranduil all the more when he was gone.  

“Okay.” Sigrid relented, reaching their compromise of sorts.

They were leaving for the woodland realm in the morning and Bard was not exactly sure how long they would stay for.

He hoped it could be a long time.

He hoped it could be for forever, he never wanted to leave Thranduil’s side. But Sigrid was right, that was exactly why he should.

But he couldn’t do it, not yet. He wanted to pretend it was real for a little longer.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with it! I hope you're still enjoying it ^^
> 
> Comments and kudos are my writing lifeblood <3


	7. Chapter 7

 

“Da! Ada! Wake up wake up wake up!” Tilda yelled, bounding into the room and waking them both up, as seemed to be becoming the norm.

Bard had a bad feeling he knew what ‘ada’ meant.

“Good morning pen-neth.” Thranduil greeted her, voice sleepy and hair rumpled as they disentangled themselves from each other after another good nights sleep with Thranduil gathered against him.

“What is it munchkin?” Bard asked as Tilda practically vibrated around the room, the sun looked like it was just beginning to rise, it was most definitely rather early in the morning still.

“Well when I asked when we would be leaving yesterday and you said in the morning and now it’s the morning so I was wondering if we were leaving now because you said.” She babbled away in her excitement, clambering onto the bed and bouncing on the end of it.

“I didn’t mean quite this early.” Bard chuckled, he had been thinking more mid-morning than the crack of dawn to begin their journey.

“Oh, sorry.” Tilda apologised, pausing from her bouncing and crawling up the bed to sit between them. “But, ‘acause you’re up now anyway…” Tilda trailed off and made Thranduil burst into laughter.

“You are cheeky pen-neth.” Thranduil laughed, tickling Tilda’s side playfully and sending her squealing and scrambling off the bed and away from Thranduil’s assault.

Bard found himself with a smile that was making his face hurt at the same time as a heart that was tearing itself apart.

He hated this.

He loved this.

“But well, I suppose we are awake.” Thranduil agreed. “But it is up to your da really.”

“Please da? Can we go now? Please please please?” Tilda begged, giving Bard her best puppy dog eyes and looking far too adorable for Bard to ever be able to say no.

He was such a softie.

“Fine. Give me one hour to get everything together and feed you all and we can go early.” Bard smiled, really not having it in him to refuse her.

“Yay!” Tilda yelled happily, running out the door no doubt to go and pester her siblings, Bard knew they were all as excited as each other, just Tilda was somewhat more exuberant about it.

“I had better make sure her visit lives up to her expectations.” Thranduil muttered to himself, throwing back the bed covers and stretching like a cat, forcing Bard to look away.

“I’m pretty sure you could live in a badly built treehouse and she would still be thrilled.” Bard pointed out, knowing that it was completely true.

“That would be Lothlórien.” Thranduil commented dryly, as if it could be called anything close to a badly built treehouse. It made Bard laugh, just the casual way Thranduil had said it, Thranduil shot him a wry smile at the sound.

The early morning sun was glistening through his silver hair, his eyes were twinkling with delight and his smile was lighting up his face to Bard.

He was so beautiful in the mornings.

He was beautiful all the time.

 “We ought to get a move on, before someone starts corralling us out the door.” Bard pointed out, finding his travelling clothes.

“I have to agree.” Thranduil replied, doing the same as Bard.

They had already packed the night before, everything was ready to go except them and Thranduil’s elven escort, whom he disappeared to inform that they would be leaving slightly sooner than expected.   

Bard found them all some breakfast, and before long they were all saddled up and ready to go. Tilda was insisting on riding with Thranduil on his great elk, Bard had decided that Sigrid and Bain could ride by themselves while the terrain was normal, but when they hit the forest they would have to each ride with one of their escort.

The ride was long and hard, but it was also beautiful in its own way. The revitalising landscape around Dale and the mountain, the crispness of the lake, the twisting trees of the forest. Treacherous, but beautiful nonetheless.

Tilda was clearly talking Thranduil’s ear off for the whole journey. Always pointing at things and asking something or telling a story or asking for one in return, but Thranduil had a smile plastered on his face the entire way, so Bard really didn’t see the need to rescue him from his youngest’s over excitement.

Bard would overhear little scraps of their conversation sometimes, Tilda’s voice high with glee and Thranduil’s deep melodic one cutting through the rest of the noise and letting him hear it. Tilda kept calling him ‘ada’, Bard wondered where on earth she had learnt it, because while never being told directly, he was fairly sure he could decipher its meaning.

He should talk to her about that, he didn’t want her to get confused.  She could probably see right through Bard, just like her sister, that was probably what was confusing her.

But he didn’t have to, because when they stopped for some food and to water the horses, he overheard Sigrid speaking to Tilda.

“Til, you shouldn’t be calling Thranduil ada.” Sigrid said gently, voice quiet but Bard hearing it nonetheless, they probably thought he was taking a quick nap, as indeed had been his intention until he started to hear them.

“Why not?” Tilda replied, and Bard could perfectly picture the way her face would be all scrunched up.

“Because he and da aren’t really together. You remember da explained to us a little while ago?” Sigrid reminded her, Bard thought they may be picking flowers while they spoke.

“I remember.” Tilda answered, as though she didn’t understand why it was at all relevant to her calling Thranduil ‘ada’.

“So you understand?” Sigrid pressed, and Bard felt like a terrible father for letting Tilda get all mixed up in their lies and pretend.

“Yeah, they’re just being silly. Mister Thranduil is going to be our ada, you’ll see.” Tilda replied happily, voice drifting away as she went away, skipping by the sounds of it. 

“Til, wait – ” Sigrid called, following her, going out of earshot too.

Well, human earshot. Bard really hoped Thranduil hadn’t overheard that conversation. Then again, he was the one getting called ada, maybe he didn’t see the problem, maybe he just didn’t want to be the one to tell her, maybe he liked the feeling of having a child again. They might never be together in the way Bard wanted, but they were close friends, and if Thranduil wanted to spend time with Bard’s children, Bard certainly wasn’t going to be the one to stop him.

Thranduil moved away from his guards and sunk down on the ground beside Bard, Bard lifting his arm and Thranduil easily tucking himself under it.

“We’ll need to get moving again soon.” Bard pointed out, pressing a kiss to the top of Thranduil’s head, because there was the escort, there was someone to pretend for.

“Ten minutes.” Thranduil mumbled, sounding more asleep than awake already.

“Okay, ten minutes.” Bard agreed, lump in his throat as Thranduil settled beside him.

They continued their journey after Tilda came bounding over demanding they get a move on because she didn’t want to wait any longer for them and their ‘lazy bones’, they were also apparently ‘slow coaches’ that needed to hurry up.

The ride through the forest was strange, but then, the forest itself had long since become strange and dark. But it was different riding through it with Thranduil, some of the trees seemed to glow green even as the Elvenking passed, only to fade back to dark colours once he was past. Bard could only imagine how hard it was for Thranduil to see his forest in such decay.

Eventually the grand doors into the elven halls came into view, Bard could hear Tilda’s excited squeal and Thranduil’s answering laugh, he was probably already telling her all about it. Bard couldn’t wait to see inside it himself, he was sure it would be nothing short of breath taking, and he couldn’t wait to spend more time with Thranduil, in his realm this time, even if he knew he should stop it.   

The huge doors into Thranduil’s halls were opulent enough, probably only a taste of the beauty and decadence they were going to be greeted with inside. And indeed he wasn’t disappointed, the doors were opened for them and they were met with sprawling halls that looked as if they were carved from the very earth, which Bard supposed they were.

Intricate winding pathways reaching like branches through the halls, twinkling lights swan through the halls, keeping them from being a dark place, and the were waters running through the place as well.

“It’s beautiful.” Bard said, at a loss for any other words that would even remotely do it justice. “Just like its lord.” He added a little cheekily, earning a blush and a laugh from Thranduil, who laced their fingers together.

“I am glad you liked it.” Thranduil told him, taking Tilda’s hand as well, which Bard was very grateful for, as the elves seemed the same as the dwarves in the fact that they believed railings were a waste of time.

“What can we see first ada?” Tilda asked excitedly, Thranduil keeping her from bouncing too close to the edges, Sigrid in front talking to one of their elven escort, Bain staring around with an awe-struck expression.

“Whatever you like pen-neth, but in the morning for I am afraid it is already past your bedtime.” Thranduil answered, and it was so strange that Thranduil knew when his kids’ bedtimes were.

“But I’m not tired.” Tilda complained.

“No but you will be.” Bard agreed with Thranduil. “And you want to be awake enough tomorrow to enjoy yourself don’t you.” Bard reasoned.

“I guess.” Tilda sighed dramatically.

“But we are going to get some late dinner first, so you will see the grand dining hall.” Thranduil added, bringing excitement back into Tilda’s little face.

“Good, my stomach was starting to complain.” Sigrid joined it, and Bard knew she wasn’t the only one, he was pretty hungry himself.

The dining hall was absolutely enormous, Thranduil explained that it had to be as vast for when they held festivals in some of the seasons. They sat at the head table, not that it mattered for there was no one else present, Tilda had displaced Thranduil from his throne like seat in the centre of the table and had claimed it for herself, something which Thranduil seemed to find highly amusing and was endlessly indulgent of, calling her ‘your majesty’ all through the meal.

Unsurprisingly, by the time they had finished their small meal of breads and cheeses, Tilda was practically asleep where she sat, and everyone else was looking rather tired as well. Bard picked her up and Thranduil led the way to their rooms, or at least where they would be staying while they were here.

They tucked Tilda into bed and made sure Sigrid and Bain were settled as well before making their way to Thranduil’s chambers, which were, unsurprisingly, incredible. Huge and opulent but also somehow impossibly homey (and Bard wondered if anyone would believe him if he told them that the Elevnking leaves his clothes strewn around his room.

Bard took a quick bath to wash the ride off, wishing there was some reason Thranduil should join him rather than waiting for him to get out.

Before long they were climbing into the large, impossibly soft bed and Bard rather felt like this was probably what sleeping on a cloud would feel like. Thranduil curled into Bard, spooning up against Bard’s chest and settling down to sleep, it had become so familiar to sleep with Thranduil in his arms, he thought he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep so well without him there anymore.

And that had to happen at some point, this couldn’t go on forever.

This couldn’t go on much longer, it was killing Bard, but in such a way that it was almost addictive as well. He couldn’t get enough.

“Good night meleth nín.” Bard heard Thranduil sigh just before falling asleep, Bard really needed to ask him what that meant.

Their stay in Thranduil’s halls was possibly the most fun they had had in a very long time, quite probably ever in their lives.

Thranduil took them riding, out to safe springs in the forest to play, taught them to shoot and climb, helped them to learn music, treated them with gifts and clothes and even started to teach them all elvish upon their request.

Sometimes Thranduil would speak to him in elvish, presumably to try and help Bard learn. Bard never knew what he was saying though, and Thranduil always had the most earnest expression on his face. He could be confessing his gravest secrets for all Bard could understand, he picked up little words repeated many times, he was half tempted to ask one of the other elves what they meant, because whenever he asked Thranduil he just smiled sadly and said it didn’t matter.

Bard was barely away from his side the entire stay, which had already exceeded three weeks, in the back of his mind Bard knew they should consider returning to Dale, should probably already be back. But he knew that Thranduil would have to stay in his realm for a while, he would be returning without him, and he could hardly stomach the thought. So he didn’t mention leaving, and neither did Thranduil.

Thranduil taught him to dance one evening, his minstrels playing slow songs for them. Bard almost blurted out his feelings right there and then.  

He’d forced himself to be more careful since then.

No more dancing, no more romantic meals alone – there was no need for them after all, this wasn’t real – he tried to stop all his soft touches and gentle caresses, he did his best not to kiss Thranduil.

But they had shared their first real kiss.

Only it wasn’t real, not really.

But instead of his cheek or hand or neck or forehead, during dinner one evening, Thranduil’s lips had found his own and Bard’s heart had stopped. Thranduil must have decided that their audience of elves required more convincing, not that any of them seemed to have doubted their relationship. Either way, Bard did not question it, he had just let his hand snake gently into Thranduil’s hair and returned the tentative kiss.  

Bard had been the one to pull away, close to tears, chest hurting. He hadn’t wanted their first kiss to be like that, to be an act for an audience. He’d rather they had never had one than it to be like that.

Things had been stilted and uncomfortable for the rest of the evening, Bard had forced himself to snap out of it the next morning, not liking the hurt look resting on Thranduil’s face, but then had come the dancing and he had come so close to ruining everything, he had had to pull away. He couldn’t lose his friend.

But then Bard’s withdrawal seemed to be having the same effect, he didn’t seem to be able to win this battle, by stepping back it seemed as though he was hurting Thranduil, like they didn’t know how to act around each other anymore, each time he would shy away from one of his touches Thranduil would look so hurt.

But if he didn’t and his feelings became clear then their friendship would be damaged beyond repair, there was nothing like a one sided love confession to put a dampener on things, and Thranduil would likely think Bard had been taking advantage of his predicament with the dwarves.

Bard had no idea what to do.  

He felt like his confession was eating him alive.

Maybe they should leave, maybe some space between them would give Bard time to come to terms with it, might make the feelings fade a little. Although deep down he knew that would not be the case.

He had taken to retiring early, attempting to be asleep before Thranduil joined him, staying on his own side of the bed, but they always woke intertwined anyway, Bard got up as soon as he woke.

They still enjoyed themselves of course, their days were filled with laughter and fun, Thranduil constantly coming up with new activities to occupy them. It was just little things, little caresses and sweet words that wore Bard down, made it hard for him to cope. He wished he could convince himself that it really was all real, but it just wasn’t.

“Bard, won’t you come to bed?” Thranduil asked from where he was already settled, Bard’ plan today had been to only go to bed when Thranduil was already safely asleep, although he knew it wouldn’t change how they woke up wound around each other.

 “Later.” Bard smiled though it was slightly forced, everything between them sounded so domestic, even when they were alone, he feared he could not do it for much longer.

“What are you thinking about?” Thranduil asked, resting his head on one hand, looking at Bard with an open expression, wrapped up in the covers of what felt more and more like _their_ bed.

“About going home.” Bard answered half honestly.

“I thought you would be able to stay at least a couple more weeks.” Thranduil replied quietly, making Bard’s chest tighten.

“I think it would be better to get back.” Bard evaded, hoping he could blame work.

“Have you not enjoyed yourself?” Thranduil asked, biting down on his lip in a nervous way that he never should.

“Of course we have.” Bard smiled, and it was true, it was just too much of what he could not truly have. “Perhaps we can stretch to another week.” Bard relented, unable to see Thranduil look so small. 

Thranduil made no response, he just rolled over away from Bard and went to sleep. Bard feared he had hurt his friend anyway, but he could not stay like this, Sigrid had been right.

Bard woke the next morning and knew immediately something was wrong, there was no warm body in his arms, no snuffling elf cuddling into him, no silver hair brushing against his chest. Bard reached across the bed only to find it cold and empty, he got a heavy feeling in his stomach that something was wrong.

That was when he started to see that things were missing, Thranduil’s circlet that had been beside the bed, his favourite coat that had hung by the door, the lazily unpacked bag. His riding gear.

Bard threw himself out of the bed, maybe he had just gone outside, maybe he just gone for a ride.

Then Bard saw the letter sitting on the vanity table, it was addressed to him, he ripped it open.

 

_Bard,_

_You draw away from me Bard and I cannot bear it. The thought that I made you so very uncomfortable leaves me disgusted at myself. I am sorry I ever asked you to part of my lies, I abused your friendship. I blurted to the dwarves that we were intimate because there was nothing in Arda I wished for more. I was foolish to say it and selfish to drag you into it, and childish to respond and lie like that in the first place._

_I know that you must have sensed something from me because you draw further away, more distant each day, I never meant to make you uncomfortable, I believed I could keep my feelings to myself and I was wrong._

_I do not believe I could go on with this charade any longer anyway, each time you say loving things, share intimate touches, press kisses to me I feel as if I come alive and perish all at once. I fear if I let it continue it might break me._

_I hope never to lose your friendship Bard, I do not know what I would do. You have been a light to me in a dark time and I exploited a situation and manipulated it for my own means._

_I just wanted to pretend, for a little while, that your feelings were as mine._

_I hope you can forgive me for it someday._

_For now I need to depart, give myself time to heal from these wounds I caused myself in our illusion._

_But let me say it just once, please._

 

 

_I love you._

 

Bard felt his entire world shift.  __  
  


 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extra wait, I had a bad week <3

 

Bard reread the letter, unable to quite believe what he was reading, it couldn’t be right, it couldn’t, because if it was what the hell had they been _doing_?

He felt a lot of things looking down that the sloping handwriting covering the paper; hope, relief, confusion, anger at them both for their apparent stupidity. But what he felt most of all was worry, worry because he had no idea where Thranduil had gone, and it sounded as though he’d been breaking his heart just as much as Bard had been.

And completely needlessly.

In future he was just going to listen to his children, they always seemed to be right anyway.

But he didn’t need to ask them what he should do now, that was pretty clear; he needed to find Thranduil, and he needed to do it fast.

Bard grabbed his own riding clothes and tugged them on, only to relise he had put his shirt on backwards and he then couldn’t find his coat and had to spend what felt like an age looking for it, why was it that when you were in a hurry everything seemed to start to go wrong and take twice as long as usual.

But soon enough he was dressed and crashing his way out of the great doors of Thranduil’s rooms. He needed to find Galion, if anyone would know where Thranduil had disappeared to, it would be him, without question. But the halls of Mirkwood were vast and complicated and Bard still wasn’t entire sure of how to find his way around, so finding one elf amongst that all was easier said than done.

He ended up finding Galion completely by accident, stumbling into the kitchens while entirely lost and finding him doing an inventory of the pantries.

“Galion.” Bard panted, he had just run across what felt the whole of Thranduil’s halls, which were not small.

“Bard, are you well?” Galion asked, bringing him a tumbler of water that Bard hadn’t asked for but appreciated all the same.

“Do you know where Thranduil has gone?” Bard pressed, cutting straight to the point, a cool mask immediately set over Galion’s features, he knew exactly where he had gone.

“I am aware of it yes. I am also under instructions not to inform you. You received his letter I presume? I implore you to give him the space he needs.” Galion said, voice completely neutral.

“You don’t understand, I _need_ to go after him.” Bard pushed, only just resisting the urge to tear his hair out in his frustration.

“Why?” Galion asked and somehow Bard felt like this was a test.

“Because we’ve been stupid and I need to let him know how stupid we’ve been.”

“Evidentially.” Galion agree, presumably to the stupid part. “He is in Rivendell, but I did not tell you that.”

“Thank you.” Bard was about ready to throw himself on Galion’s feet in gratitude for that piece of information.

“However I will warn you that if you make this in any way worse, nobody would ever find out what happened to you.” He added, terrifyingly serenely.

“Noted.” Bard replied, clearing his throat.

“I will make sure your children are looked after until you return. I suggest you make haste, my lord Thranduil’s steed is already significantly faster than your own.”

“Right, thank you.” Bard said again, turning on his heel and gathering together some supplies for his journey, a travel pack that he would need if he didn’t want to die on the road.

Then he made his way down to the stables and getting lost once again until one of the elves decided to take pity on him and show him the way.

Honestly this place was a maze, you would have to be immortal just to have time to learn your way around it properly.

Bard found his horse and saddled her up as quickly as he could, mounting her and urging her on, the pair of them setting off at a pace that his poor horse couldn’t possibly maintain, but that felt good to start with anyway.

Bard wasn’t even entirely sure how far it was to Rivendell, Galion had made sure he had a map before he left, but they weren’t usually too helpful when it came to estimating the time it would take to get to places. If he managed to keep up a fast pace and only stopped when either he or his horse really needed it then he hoped he could be there fairly swiftly, although no matter how fast he went Thranduil would only be getting further and further ahead of him.

The ride was long and not particularly easy either, Bard often taking refuge in caves for the night, something which took a lot of coaxing every night to get the horse in as well.  His bed roll didn’t exactly make for warm nights, but it wasn’t usually too bad if he kept his coat on, and he always managed to find some kind of shelter.

He was permanently thankful that he did not run into a band of orcs or wargs on the road, but still the journey was far from easy, and by the time he was bringing his galloping horse to a halt at the main stairs into Rivendell, he looked rather bedraggled, even by his own standards.

He had barely dismounted his horse before Elrond was making his way down the step towards him.

“King Bard, we did not look to expect you.” Elrond greeted him politely, but notably not welcoming him inside as would usually be expected. “Did you have trouble on the road?” He added in a far more concerned tone, taking in Bard’s appearance.

“Where is he?” Bard asked, trying and probably failing not to sound haggard and slightly demanding.

Elrond sighed a little sadly.

“Bard, if you have come in concern for your friend then I admire your loyalty but would ask you to leave for a while, let him heal, as much as he can. But if you are here in anger, I beg you not to see him. I am not privy to exactly what transpired between you, but I do not think he could survive your ire right now.” Elrond told him, voice revealing his concern for his friend.

“Oh I’m here in anger. I have been killing myself over that elf for months. _Months_. He finally tells me I’m not alone in it and he ups and leaves!” Bard grumbled, Elrond looked torn between laughing and sighing in a very put upon manner. “But I am mainly here in, well, hope I guess.”

Elrond looked still rather sceptical but like he was getting closer to relenting and letting Bard pass into Rivendell.

“Look, I promise I am not going to yell at him. I just plan on telling him that I love him too.” Bard shrugged, trying to make light of it even though it felt like one of the most important moments of his life.

“He’s in one of the guest rooms. I can show you the way.” Elrond said eventually, but Bard was pretty sure he was smiling to himself and he turned and started leading the way, Bard following close on the elven lord’s heels, wishing he would hurry up from the leisurely pace all elves seemed intent on.

Elrond left him outside a pair of pretty golden doors with a look that said both good luck and don’t mess it up even more.

Bard wondered if he could expect thinly veiled threats from Legolas and Feren as well.

He knocked on the door a couple of times, trying to somehow make his knock sound elven, even though Thranduil wouldn’t exactly be expecting him so he was hardly likely to assume it was anyone but an elf – more specifically Elrond – anyway.

“Elrond, please, leave me in peace.” Came Thranduil’s reply, his voice seemed almost empty, void of its usual richness.

Bard just opened the door carefully and stepped inside.

“Elrond I know you are trying to help but right now I wish only to be alone.” Thranduil said as he heard the door opening, he was blocked from Bard’s view, sat in a high backed armchair with it’s back to the door. 

“It’s not Elrond.” Bard said, trying to keep his voice gentle and avoid giving Thranduil a fright, not that it really worked, the elf still jumped from his chair and whirled around, suddenly looking utterly petrified.

“Bard, I – I, um, what are you doing here? I didn– ” Thranduil started moving around the room, looking like all he wanted was to escape, Bard cut him off.

“I need to talk to you about your letter.” Bard interrupted, keeping his voice calm even though his heart was beating out of his chest.

“Please Bard don’t put me through that. I just need some time. I told you how sorry I was, I–” Thranduil was actually, panicking, Bard had never actually seen him panic before. He didn’t like it.

“Would you please be quiet and listen to me?” Bard said, effectively stopping the stream of words that was steadily coming from Thranduil’s lips by catching his hand and freezing him to the spot instead.

Ever so slowly, Thranduil managed to tear his eyes away from where Bard had caught his hand and met his eyes instead, giving Bard an almost imperceptible nod, which was when Bard realised he had absolutely no idea what it was he was planning on saying to Thranduil.

He decided on the only thing that made any sense.

“I love you too.”

Thranduil blinked at him a few times, like he was having trouble processing his words, Bard knew the feeling.

“What?” He finally said, confusion and hope evident in his tone.

“I love you too.” Bard said again, a wide smile starting to take over his face, feeling like something heavy and oppressing had been lifted off his chest, Thranduil still look like he just couldn’t quite believe it was true. “We’ve been a bit stupid.” Bard added, biting on his lip, feeling like he might laugh, because ever so slowly, Thranduil’s expression was changing.

The confusion was fading from his face, and spreading over his beautiful features in its place was something that looked a lot like happiness, lighting up his face.

Bard was writing out a whole speech in his head right then and there, getting ready to tell Thranduil just how much he loved him, but before he had the chance Thranduil was kissing him, and Bard realised there wasn’t really any need for a speech, not right now at least, because the kiss managed to say it all.

It was messy and desperate and by all accounts not a very good kiss apart from the fact that it was fucking perfect in every single way. 

It was desperate and messy and brimming with pent up _everything._ And Thranduil’s hands were balled into his shirt holding him tight and Bard’s were finally sliding through that silver blonde hair that felt like spun silk in his fingers. Thranduil was making these delicious little whimpering noises into his mouth and he was swallowing them up greedily, this was nothing like the kiss they had shared in Mirkwood.

Thranduil’s tongue was nudging its way into Bard’s mouth, Bard letting his mouth fall open easily, suck on Thranduil’s tongue and making him whine, pushing back and licking his way into the elf’s mouth. When he bit and tugged at Thranduil’s lower lip Thranduil let out a low whimper and his hands started scrabbling at Bard’s shirt, and he was hardly about to stop him, in fact helping him seemed like a better plan, breaking the kiss for a moment to pull his shirt over his head and send it towards the floor. 

Thranduil’s smooth hands on his chest felt like they were leaving a trail of fire behind them, heating up Bard’s skin and making him seriously question why Thranduil was still dressed himself. Bard yanked at the intricate clasps that fastened Thranduil’s clothes, growling in their kisses when he couldn’t work them out without looking, Thranduil getting the message and slipping them off himself so that Bard could push his robe off his shoulders, only to be confronted by even more layers.

Bard kissed his way over Thranduil’s jaw and down his throat, sucking at his pulse point and pushing his remaining clothes aside to bite at a pale collarbone as Thranduil’s mouth let out a litany of approving sounds, his hands continuing to undo all the clasps and ties on his tunic. Bard only let his mouth leave Thranduil’s skin to strip him of the tunic, pausing to drink in the sight of perfect white skin.

He found Thranduil’s mouth again, backing them through the room and in the direction of the large bed until the back of Thranduil’s legs met it the edge of it. He pushed Thranduil backward with a grin, loving the little bounce when he hit the soft mattress.

Bard lent forwards and pulled off one of Thranduil’s high boots and then the other, letting his fingers stoke down his calf and over his foot as he did so. Thranduil shot him that smirk that Bard loved and shuffled backwards on the large bed, somehow managing to make a shuffle look graceful. Bard kicked off his own boots and crawled up the bed towards Thranduil, kissing a line up his stomach, chest and neck as he did so before finding Thranduil’s lips once again.

He would never get tired of kissing Thranduil.

Bard let his hand graze down Thranduil’s body and start toying with the top of Thranduil’s leggings.

“We don’t have to, we don’t to rush.” Bard said a little breathlessly between kisses, not that he wanted to stop, quite the opposite in fact, especially as Thranduil’s hands had found his trousers and elegant fingers had set to work on the lacings.

“Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?” Thranduil answered, nibbling at Bard’s jaw.

“Yeah, yeah we have.” Bard agreed which was apparently all Thranduil needed to hear because then slender fingers were dipping into his trousers and wrapping around his hard length and started stroking him lazily.

Bard gasped into Thranduil’s neck, mouthing at the skin there and rolling his hips into Thranduil’s hand, at which point Thranduil just made his grip maddeningly loser and causing him to growl in protest, knowing full well that Thranduil was definitely smirking.

He planned to wipe that smirk right off his pretty face.

Bard made quick work of Thranduil’s leggings, peeling them off Thranduil’s obscenely long legs and tossing them to land in a pile on the floor, sending his underclothes to join them shortly after, leaving Thranduil completely, gloriously, naked.

Valar he really was unfairly beautiful.

“You’re beautiful.” Bard decided to just tell him, even though he knew, seeing no reason not to say it, and much to his amazement, Thranduil actually blushed.

He kissed his reddened cheeks before moving around to suck on his ear, grinning to himself when he heard Thranduil let out a needy little whine. He toyed with Thranduil’s ear, one of Thranduil’s hands digging into his back, the other tangling in his hair as he snaked a hand between them and wrapped a hand around them both as best he could.

He stroked them together, running a hand over the heads to collect the slick gathered there and ease the way a little, flicking his wrist a little on the upstroke as he bit lightly at the point of Thranduil’s ear.

“Bathroom.” Thranduil gasped, which had Bard pausing and looking at him bemused.

“Do you need the loo…?” Bard asked, getting a swat on his arm from Thranduil.

“Bath oils and body lotions.” Thranduil said and it took a moment but then it clicked for Bard.

“Bathroom.” Bard agreed with a nod, climbing off the bed and going into the bathroom, finding some oil in a little cabinet and returning to the bedroom, ditching his trousers entirely on the way back to the bed and trying not to preen too much as Thranduil watched him hungrily, from the bed.

Bard crawled back onto the bed, Thranduil letting his legs drop open and cradling Bard between them, Bard running his hands over the creamy thighs either side of him before leaning down and kissing at Thranduil’s hip as his hands skated lower, Thranduil pulling him up of a proper kiss and urging Bard’s hands on.

Bard pulled the stopper out the top of the vial and slicked his fingers, distracting Thranduil with kisses as he pressed in a finger, Thranduil gasping quietly as he did and Bard swallowing the sound. Bard worked his finger inside of Thranduil, the elf pleading with him for another before Bard gave it to him, and then the third in much the same way, moving his mouth briefly back to Thranduil’s ear to distract him thoroughly from the slight burn.

He had Thranduil writhing and begging on his fingers as he assaulted his sweet spot before withdrawing them and slicking up his neglected cock, lining himself up with Thranduil’s stretched entrance.

“Okay?”

“Not unless you hurry up.” Thranduil bitched back and Bard laughed, kissing him soundly as he pressed inside.

Thranduil was a mess of little moans and gasps as Bard seated himself inside him, sliding in slowly until his hips were flush against Thranduil’s ass. Thranduil gave him a little nod, biting down on his lip, telling Bard to move and who was Bard to deny the great Elvenking?

Bard rolled his hips slowly at first, gradually building up the speed but keeping his strokes deep, looking for that little bundle of nerves, and it was pretty clear when he found it, with Thranduil crying out and arching off the bed.

“Bard, wait.” Thranduil whimpered and Bard stilled immediately.

“What is it?” Bard asked, nosing into Thranduil’s neck.

“I-I don’t think.” Thranduil started voice shaky, almost strained. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep my glamour up, this is, too consuming.” He admitted, and Bard pulled back from his neck, but before he could speak he was rushing on. “We can stop, if you don’t want to see, I know they are grotesque.” Thranduil was refusing to meet his eyes.

“Hey, look at me.” Bard coaxed him gently, cupping the side of Thranduil’s face gently as he forced himself to look at Bard, eye filled will worry. “Scars or no I love you and I want you. I do not love you in spite of them Thranduil, I love you, all of you.  You could never be grotesque, I could never not want you.”

“Are you sure?” Thranduil asked, biting at his bottom lip, swollen and red from their kissing.

“If anything I’m flattered you think I’m good enough to make you lose yourself so thoroughly.” Bard teased, lightening the mood and making Thranduil smile around a laugh, a much better expression on him, Bard peppered kisses over his smile.

“Okay.” Thranduil nodded quietly and Bard smiled, brushing a stray hair back from Thranduil’s face. 

He started moving again slow and deep and kissing Thranduil through it, it wasn’t long after he refound Thranduil’s sweet spot that the glamour fell down and Thranduil tensed slightly, but Bard just didn’t stop kissing him and it was only a few moments before Thranduil relaxed again.

Bard slowly built up the speed and force of his thrusts until he and Thranduil were more sharing breath than kissing and they were both moaning again and Bard could feel his end building already. He didn’t even feel bad about not lasting longer because it had been a long time and this was _Thranduil_.

He wrapped a hand around Thranduil’s length and Thranduil bucked up into it, whimpering and Bard knew he must be close because he could feel him starting to tighten around him and bringing and even closer as he stroked Thranduil’s cock in time with his thrusts.

“Valar I love you.” Thranduil whined, hands moving from Bard’s hair to wrap around his neck, bringing their foreheads together.

“I love you too.” Bard panted and with one final thrust nailing Thranduil’s sweet spot the elf was coming between them with a moan of Bard’s name and that was definitely something he could get used to hearing.

Thranduil’s muscles clamped down around him and sent him tumbling over the edge with him, filling Thranduil and thrusting lazily until they both became too sensitive to carry on. Bard pulled out gently and collapsed to the side of Thranduil, Thranduil wasting no time before cuddling up to his side, resting his head against Bard’s chest like he was listening to his heartbeat.

They lay there panting for a while, Thranduil curled up against Bard’s chest peacefully. Well, peacefully until Bard couldn’t help but start laugh and laughing until his stomach was genuinely starting to hurt.

“Bard?” Thranduil asked, both confused and amused.

“Valar we are such _idiots_. Like have you really thought about it? Blind deaf and fucking dumb.” Bard exclaimed and it only took Thranduil about two seconds of reflection before bubbling up with laughter himself, trying to bury his laughs in Bard’s neck and failing.

“We are _never_ going to live this down.” Thranduil pointed out around his laughter.

Bard had to agree, they were _morons_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I think there is only one chapter left :( sad times, but I already know what I will be writing next (and after that and after that and after that and after that and after that - i have a lot of fics in planning okay :') ) so that new fic will be replacing this one when it's complete ^^
> 
> And yay! They got their shit together! Hollaaa!
> 
> Comments and kudos make my life shinier <3


	9. Chapter 9

 

“Must we really go back?” Thranduil moaned, lounging back barely clothed in the large bed and painting a very enticing picture.

“Yes and you know it. We’ve been gone far too long anyway.” Bard answered, he had meant to find Thranduil in Rivendell, fix things between them and whisk him home again, but instead they had somehow ended up spending almost a fortnight there.

It wasn’t his fault, it was rather hard to find the will power to leave when Thranduil was lying around draped in nothing but a sheet. They had emerged from their room to find meals, which Elrond forced them to have with him which Bard was convinced he was only doing so he could fix them with his very best ‘you are both morons’ look.

“Everyone is going to be insufferable when we explain.” Thranduil groaned, falling back on the bed dramatically.

“Sigrid is probably going to just roll her eyes and say I told you so. Really I should just listen to her, she’s always right.” Bard mused as he started packing up Thranduil’s things as well.

“I don’t want to explain to the dwarves.” Thranduil muttered, giving Bard his best pout and crossing his arms like a stroppy child.

“I thought we decided it was best if we just came clean to everyone.” Bard pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

“But does it really matter _when_ it happened? Surely all that matters is that we are together now, which they already think they know.” Thranduil did his best to reason and a pretty big part of Bard really did agree with him, he had no idea how long the dwarves would taunt them with this.

“Well we want to tell our own people to end the confusion, and the dwarves are bound to find out the truth, wouldn’t you rather we told them ourselves?” Bard pointed out, even though he was fairly sure the only people who had actually been confused were him and Thranduil in the end.

“Can’t they just stay slightly confused.” Thranduil grumbled, even though he had been the first one to say he felt he offered his subjects an explanation, which was rare for him anyway, usually just doing whatever he wanted and offering no real clarification for anyone.

But apparently it was different when it came to elven marriages – which Thranduil had rather sheepishly admitted may have technically happened that first night Bard spent in Rivendell, before babbling that they didn’t have to tell anyone and that he should have said, although Bard had responded by marrying him again, and again, and again. Elven marriages were something which were held with such importance, especially a royal one, and Thranduil had not wanted to lie about something so important to them, and Bard had agreed.

He knew how the people of Dale would react, they were just going to laugh at him, he was going to explain to his advisors and they were going to try valiantly to hold in their laughter for all three seconds and then they were going to fail and laugh at him anyway. But then that was what he loved about Dale, he was their king, but before that he had been their friend, and they had not forgotten that.

The dwarves on the other hand, were all but impossible to predict, Bard had absolutely no idea how they were going to react and he wasn’t exactly keen to find out. But he figured better they told them themselves rather than leaving them to find out, that would definitely be worse.

“It was you who wanted to come clean to your people in the first place.” Bard reminded him and Thranduil sighed dramatically.

“I know. Can’t we just stay here a little longer?” Thranduil pleaded and Bard grinned at the way he nudged the sheets down just a little further. Brat.

Bard walked over to him and for a moment Thranduil smirked, thinking he had won this small battle, but then Bard merely kissed him and dropped some clothes into his lap.

“You’ll be cold on the road if you don’t put some clothes on.” Bard grinned, dodging away from Thranduil’s swat and returning to the packing.

“You are bored of me already.” Thranduil bemoaned and that had a laugh from Bard.

“Oh yes, entirely bored of you.” Bard snorted, sarcasm clear in his words.

“If you weren’t you would come back to me.”

“I am not even leaving you anywhere.” Bard laughed. “I do intend to take you with me, if only because you do actually need to go home as well.”

“Our homes are in different places.” Thranduil grumbled as he pulled on his leggings and gracefully climbed out of bed, his voice belayed that it genuinely saddened him, it was a tone Bard could not stand, so he came over to Thranduil and kissed him.

“Or maybe we just both have two homes now. One in your realm, and one in Dale.” Bard told him softly and Thranduil’s face seemed to light up with his smile.

“Two homes.” Thranduil agreed, returning Bard’s kisses and looping his arms around Bard’s neck.

“Indeed, and three children who are probably beginning to get a little impatient for our return and our explanations.” Bard said, pressing a kiss to Thranduil’s neck and finishing the last of the packing.

“I am sure Galion has them well looked after.” Thranduil assured him, but he was getting together the last of his own things too.

“I have no doubt. But I miss them, I have never been away from them for so long before.” Bard admitted, he couldn’t help but worry a little as well.

“I miss them too.” Thranduil smiled and that was one of Bard’s favourite things, how well his children and Thranduil liked each other, loved each other like the family they were turning into.

They finished their packing and said their goodbyes to Elrond, who made them promise to visit again at some point, and they informed them that he was sad he wasn’t going to be able to witness them coming clean to everyone. Thranduil glared half-heartedly at his friend and Bard and Elrond had both laughed at him as Bard tugged him out towards their horses – well, Bard’s horse and Sirdal, who was going to have to take a significantly slower pace for Bard to keep up.

As it was they ended up taking the journey home at a relatively leisurely pace, riding along beside each other, Thranduil talking to him about the different places in Middle Earth they could go to one day and Bard trying not to break his face from smiling and when Thranduil held his hand it was just because he wanted to, not because there was anyone watching and it was perfect.

But eventually they were pressing into the familiar ground of Thranduil’s forest, its king seamlessly finding the safe path through the trees, or maybe it just wasn’t possible for Thranduil to get lost in his own forest, they had always been closely connected to one another after all.

It became rather clear rather quickly that someone had seen them coming and raised the alarm, because standing on the entrance bridge in front of the great opulent doors were three children, each with their arms crossed and stern expressions on their faces. Sigrid looked so much like her mother like that , he missed her dearly, but she would be glad he had found happiness again, he was sure of it. Bain wasn’t doing quite so well as Sigrid with the expression but he did at least look a little put out, and Tilda looked adorable if anything, her little chest puffed out and face scrunched in an expression that was clearly trying to imitate her sisters.

But what was most definitely the biggest surprise was Legolas stood behind them, a head and shoulders taller than Bain, arms crossed and with exactly the same expression as Bard’s children, Legolas and Sigrid pulled off the stern scolding ‘you are in so much trouble’ look effortlessly.    

Bard was pretty sure neither he nor Thranduil had ever looked or behaved quite so sheepishly in their entirely lives, slipping off their mounts and walking over to their collected children, Sigrid was actually marginally terrifying and all the children together managed the previously impossible task of staring down the Elvenking until he actually cracked.

“Sorry.” Thranduil mumbled, and it would be hilarious that he looked so cowed by a bunch of children were it not for the fact that Bard felt exactly the same.

“Yeah, sorry.” Bard joined in, he saw Tilda look up to see if they were changing their expressions, then scrunch it back up in her best scolding face when she realised that they weren’t.

“For what part exactly?” Sigrid asked, and really where had she ever learnt that stern tone, Bard had always been terrible at telling them off, but right now Sigrid was doing an exceptional job of it. “The part where _despite_ being head over heels for each other you managed to break each other’s hearts first?”

“Perhaps the bit where you just up and left your kingdoms for a while without a single word of warning.” Bain added and Bard really would blame Thranduil for that part, even if he supposed it was technically both their fault.

“How about when you lied to pretty much everyone except those currently present and apparently completely lost the ability to communicate with each other as well.” Legolas scolded and Bard had never really spent much time with Legolas, but now he felt as if he was another one of the children, part of their family unit.

“Or maybe the bit where you just disappeared for weeks?” Tilda added and she really looked upset about it and Bard felt like the worst parent on the face of the earth.

“Um, all of it?” Bard tried, he got glared at by Sigrid, apparently she wasn’t done yet.

“You are both _idiots_.” Sigrid let out in an exasperated sigh, and Bard couldn’t really argue with that.

“Honestly ada how old are you! And you cannot tell when a mortal man is interested in you. It’s been obvious since the battle.” Legolas that time, rolling his eyes at his father.

“As far back as that?” Bard asked, but now he thought about it, the seeds had definitely been laid back then, he’d been in love with his friend for a rather long time, he just hadn’t known it for what it was, it had been so long since he had felt that way.

“Of course as far back as that!” Tilda piped up happily, sounding as if she had predicted this exact outcome – Bard and Thranduil being together, not the specific current minor disaster than had got them there – since the very beginning, and to be honest, she probably had.

“Admit it.” Bain told them, face entirely too smug.

“Admit what?” Thranduil queried, the exact same thing Bard was thinking.

“That you are the most oblivious idiots that have ever set foot on Arda.” Legolas said with a raised eyebrow, looking exactly like his father did when making the same expression.  

“How did you even hear about this whole disaster, aren’t you off gallivanting in the north somewhere?” Thranduil whined, before adding quickly. “Not that I’m not pleased to see you of course, you know how much I love seeing you ion nín.”  And Legolas did know, as soon as Bard had learned of the trouble between father and son he forced Thranduil to start communicating with his son properly.

“Sigrid wrote me.” Legolas clarified and Sigrid nodded as if writing Legolas was the easiest thing in the world.

It wasn’t like he stayed in one place very long at the moment, which meant she had managed to find the bird Thranduil kept that was adept at tracking Legolas down, it also meant she had probably gotten in contact with them before the two of them disappeared, and he wouldn’t put an intervention past his eldest and it looked like that had been exactly what she had been planning.

“I was concerned about your wellbeing. And sanity. Both of you.” She added and Bard couldn’t really argue against her to be honest.

“So go on then, admit it.” Bain demanded again, looking far too happy about the outcome of this whole scenario.

“We were idiots.” Bard mumbled, feeling more than a little embarrassed by the fact they were getting told off by their children, Thranduil’s expression suggested that he felt very similarly.

“Agreed.” Thranduil muttered, shuffling his feet a little, which was such a funny movement to see from the Elvenking that Bard almost wanted to laugh.

The children stared at them like they were in fact children who were in trouble before finally bursting out into laughter and rushing forwards for one big family hug, and that was the far nicer way to be greeted home Bard thought. He was a slight expression of shock pass over Thranduil’s fine features at the open display of affection from the children – including Legolas – before settling into a smiled and wrapping his long arms around everyone, as far as they could reach.

Bard thought they were going to make a pretty good family really.

“I must say.” Legolas started as they all let go of each other. “I am looking forward to watching you try and explain this all to everyone.” He looked far too gleeful about this prospect, in fact all the children did.

“Tomorrow.” Thranduil grumbled. “It was a long journey and I for one am tired.” Legolas rolled his eyes like he knew Thranduil was just trying to postpone the inevitable, but Bard genuinely was pretty tired, and it was late in the day anyway.

“Fine.” Legolas laughed and everything about his tone said ‘but it is happening’ loud and clear.

“I’ll bring the snacks.” Sigrid snickered and Legolas grinned at her, Bain and Tilda perking up at the mere mention of food.

Thranduil groaned and Bard couldn’t help but laugh, taking Thranduil’s hand and leading the way towards his royal chambers, they passed Galion on the way who rolled his eyes at them before bowing semi-respectfully, Thranduil grumbled under his breath about his insolent subjects getting to comfortable, that made Bard laugh as well.

When they reached his chambers it was clear just from the made up bed that someone had been in there to tidy the place up since their impromptu exit.

“I should pack up my things.” Bard sighed when the door was shut behind them. “Unfortunately I genuinely do need to be getting back to Dale.” Really he needed to be back in Dale a week ago, but they were going to pretend that was not the case, besides, at least his people would have a funny story to tease him about when they found out why he had been gone longer than expected.

“Or you could leave them here.” Thranduil said nonchalantly, slipping off his circlet and laying it carefully in a velvet lined box.

“I don’t want to but I really have to go.” Bard answered, as much as he would love to stay a little longer.

“No, I mean you could leave some things here. I mean, I could clear some space for you in the wardrobe.” He sounded so uncharacteristically shy while offering this, as if it wasn’t bringing a huge smile to Bard’s face.

“I would love that.” Bard smiled, cupping Thranduil’s face gently and kissing him thoroughly just because he could. “Although are you sure you have room?” Bard asked teasingly, wandering over to Thranduil’s huge walk in wardrobe – really it was just a separate room in it’s own right – and it was utterly bursting with clothes.

“I am more than happy to make room for you.” Thranduil told him, soft smile playing on his lips, letting Bard know that he was happy making room for him in all aspects of his life, not just his wardrobe.

“I’m sure I can find some room in mine as well.” Bard agreed with a soppy smile, letting Thranduil pull him back into another kiss and tumbling them down onto his indecently comfortable bed, really it was no wonder he hated getting up so much when this was like lying on a cloud.

In fact he doubted he would ever want to leave it again either with the way Thranduil was kissing him.

It was a _great_ night.

The next day however was a tad embarrassing, although Bard supposed they deserved it, their comeuppance for their idiocy it would seem.

The elves did valiantly try to hold in their giggles as Thranduil explained the situation to them, they really really did, but honestly it was a ridiculous story, even the watered down version Thranduil was telling them. Bard could hear more than a few snickers calling them utterly oblivious and saying that they had believed them to be together long ago.

Thranduil did his best to look bored instead of embarrassed while telling his subjects the truth and for the most part managed it, but Bard knew how to read his masks now. But at the end of it, Bard could see how much the elves appreciated Thranduil being so honest with them, coming clean as he did, and Bard smiled at him as he heard the whispers about a wedding celebration, they could have a joint one, mortal and elven, and from the conspiratorial looks on Legolas and the girls’ faces, the celebrations would probably last en entire week.

“That went alright.” Bard grinned, on the brink at laughing at themselves again.

“It’s your turn next.” Thranduil pointed out with a raised eyebrow and Bard grimaced, at least Thranduil wasn’t going to have to endure the teasing Bard was going to from the people of Dale, most of them were his friends first and foremost after all.

They stayed in Thranduil’s realm for an early lunch before setting out back towards Dale, Thranduil riding with Tilda perched in front of him, letting her take his great elk’s reigns and teaching her to ride, even though Bard was sure that in reality the elk knew the way and did not require steering at all, but the smile on Tilda’s face was blinding, as was the answering one on Thranduil’s. Legolas was with them too, riding up ahead with Bain, no doubt just coming for the show as Bard explained to Dale.

Upon their arrival in Dale Bard decided it was just easier to get the explanations over and done with before heading to bed, calling a quick meeting and explaining what had transpired. Well, not every detail that was not necessary, but the general picture.

Percy, Hilda and quite a few others Bard had known since he was a young lad didn’t even attempt to hold in their laughter, and once they had started everyone gathered at in the hall joined in. Eventually they got distracted by talk of a royal wedding as well and Bard feared the extent of the celebrations they were in for, everything they were all planning sounded exhausting, but he supposed it had been a hard few years, they deserved the distraction.

“Tomorrow morning we’re going to have to pay the dwarves a visit.” Bard sighed as they finally reached his small bedroom in their little house – at least compared to Thranduil’s, it was still larger than anything else Bard had ever had.  

Thranduil pouted at him but didn’t protest, it would seem he knew it had to be done, and in the morning they got dressed, had a light breakfast and trotted off towards Erebor, leaving the children with Tauriel, who had giggled at them both.  

“Can I help yeh?” Dain asked imperiously as Bard and Thranduil were shown into the grand dining hall where Dain was eating a mountainous breakfast with some members of Thorin’s original company.

“We have a confession.” Bard opened, grimacing and not holding out any hope of Thranduil doing anything but glaring at Dain for the duration just as a matter of principle.

So Bard retold as brief as possible version of what had happened over the past few months, and he did not get the reaction he had expected, and he hadn’t really known what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t what he got.

“Yeah. Did yeh think I didn’ know that?” Dain answered, chopping down on what looked and smelt like very good bacon.

“What? How could you have known? Everyone else seemed to think we had been together for a while anyway.” Bard protested, thrown of guard and confused by Dain’s response.

“Idiots who’ve got their shit together don’ still pine at each other.” Dain pointed out arms crossed. “Although I tell yeh, it was funny to watch yeh.” He laughed.

“Why did you pretend to believe us then?!” Bard asked incredulously.

“I thought it might help you sort yerselves out. I was getting annoyed watching you both mooning after each other at negotiations.” Dain told them and Bard was more than a little speechless.

Thranduil was openly gaping at Dain, expression caught somewhere between outrage and confusion, Dain just looked unbelievably smug. And as Dain turned a shit eating grin on Thranduil, the graceful Elvenking made a few frustrated and incoherent sounds before storming out the room grumbling to himself.

“Um, should I thank you?” Bard asked awkwardly, because it was sort of down to him that Bard and Thranduil had ended up where they were.

“Of course not.” Dain snorted. “Now you’re gunna have to put up wit’ him even more often.”

“I don’t mind.” Bard smiled to himself, Dain rolled his eyes and all but shooed him out, ready to get back to his food.

He found Thranduil waiting outside Erebor, reading his elk and Bard’s horse for the short journey back to Dale, both of them seemed a little at a loss for words.

“I still don’t want to invite him to the wedding.” Thranduil grumbled eventually.

Bard laughed and kissed him, just because he could.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, we have reached the end of this moderately ridiculous tale, i hope that you enjoyed the ride ^^ 
> 
> I have two new fics I am going to be starting as this and P.S Le Melin have both come to a close - first chapters should be arriving soon, I hope you might enjoy them too :)
> 
> As always I am lying around on [tumbles](http://obithefabulous.tumblr.com/) if you wanna come chat about anything and everything 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always the best, especially at the closing of a long fic <3

**Author's Note:**

> [Okay so Merinia did some awesome art for this fic and it is actually awesome and you should all check it out and I'm so spoiled by you all you're all so nice to me](http://merinia.tumblr.com/post/126795653450/fine-but-this-one-is-going-to-be-good-bard)


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